Getting to Know You
by ctmpatsdeels
Summary: Patsy x Delia! Delia is back in Wales recovering. Patsy is a mess. Mrs. Busby thinks Delia would like letters from a friend. Patsy is happy to oblige.
1. Chapter 1

**It seems like most of the Patsy and Delia fanfic is starting to dry up and that made me so sad. I thought I'd contribute a little something to the cause while we all wait for the Christmas episode! Let me know what you think!**

Patsy sits in the hallway outside Delia's room. Delia's mother puts a hand on her shoulder. "It'll be alright, dear. The doctors think taking her home to Wales may help her recovery." Patsy gives a weak smile. "Yes, of course. Whatever is best for Delia must be done. May I call or come visit her sometime?" Mrs. Busby, tired, but ever kind lets her down gently "Let's see how she does, okay? We haven't got a telephone but I dare say you can write," she smiles. "Yes, of course, I'd like that" Patsy says.

All the days after that hospital visit are still mostly a blur to Patsy. She barely remembers staying up all night, furiously cleaning the flat, but the sunlight shining through the window onto the jug of fresh flowers is still vivid to her. She can't remember moving back to Nonnatus, but she remembers lying up most nights, trying not to wake Trixie with her sobs. Did she eat at all? She doesn't remember any meals. She remembers getting sick in the backroom when Delia's confused expression at the hospital hit her out of nowhere. She knows that she attended Fred and Violet's wedding but the only detail she recalls is how she imagined herself and Delia reciting the vows instead. How, she wondered, how could everything they shared now only exist within her? It was too much. Too many memories, feelings, so much love. It was a cruel burden to be alone with it all. If her Delia were there, she would scoop her up into a hug and tell her everything would be alright. Brave Delia, always strong for the both of them.

Patsy had her routine. She could get up every morning, sit at the breakfast table and be pleasant. She could go out on her assignments and care for her patients. She could do everything that was expected of her. She knew that she wasn't allowed to break down. She had been strong before, long ago, in the face of so much pain. She was practiced in the art of doing what must be done. As long as she didn't have to confront herself and the feelings, she could manage.

The problem for Patsy was that it's impossible to avoid oneself forever. At the most inopportune of times, Delia would come rushing back to the forefront of her mind. At a delivery, when the patient's husband walked into the room with a look of awe on his face "Oh, dear, you've done so well," he cooed to his wife, kissing her on the temple - Patsy cried then, and the new parents looked at her questioningly. "Oh my, I'm sorry. You're just such a beautiful family, and new life always gets me a bit misty eyed, congratulations to you both." Leaving the room, Patsy leaned against the wall to gather herself. Something about seeing the couple, with such love between them, reminded Patsy of her own love, making her feel the emptiness instantly and causing her tears to appear without warning. " _This won't do_ " she thought to herself, squeezing her fists at her side. She couldn't let herself break in front of other people, couldn't allow such vulnerability. " _I have to write to her._ "

It had been three weeks since the accident. Patsy had written to Mrs. Busby almost immediately after she left for Wales with Delia and knew her reply by heart - "Delia is better now than when you last saw her. Her bruises are starting to clear and she is able to move around more, which seems to be helping with her soreness. The seizures have stopped and for that we are so grateful. She still struggles to remember her father and I but is trying so very hard. She remembers nothing of her time in London, of course, but I know she would love to have a friend through all this. Perhaps, you can remind her of your time together. Thank you for your letter and your concern for Delia. It means so much to us that you care for her so."

Two weeks Patsy had sat with that letter, trying to figure out what to do. " _She remembers nothing of her time in London, of course..._ " Mrs. Busby's words floated about in her mind. " _Perhaps, you can remind her of your time together._ " Knowing Delia was well meant everything to her. Even without her memories, she was alive! Her seizures had stopped! Still, where did Patsy fit into her life now? If Delia struggled to remember her own parents, Patsy could only imagine how scary this must all be for her love. She wanted to help in any way she could, she wanted to get _her_ Delia back. The question was, how could she remind Delia of their time together without lying or saying too much? She only knew she would have to figure it out. She had to connect with Delia somehow, no matter how confusing or hard it might be. Patsy was nothing if not loyal and she would spend her life helping Delia through this, if that's what it took. After all, Patsy carried all their love within her now - she had plenty to spare.

Dearest Delia,

I am your friend from London, Patsy. You might remember me as the redheaded woman crying in your hospital room three weeks ago. I am sorry for that. It was very emotional for me to see you in such a state. Although, of course, much worse for you, so I apologize if I upset you. Your mother tells me that you are doing better now and working very hard to remember. She thinks that you would appreciate correspondence from a friend. I would love to get to know you all over again, and help you to remember your time in London, if that is agreeable to you. Do let me know, please. In the hospital, you asked me if I had a lot friends and I said no. The truth is, I do have friends - just none who have meant as much to me as you. You were my best friend. For that, among other things, I have missed you very much. I am sending my best wishes for your recovery, always.

Yours,  
Patsy Mount


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 is here! I'm not sure how many chapters there will be but it could end up being pretty long. Let me know if you like where I'm going with this.**

Dear Patsy,

Thank you for your letter. I do remember you from the hospital. In fact, for some reason I can't seem to put my finger on, I haven't been able to get your face out of my mind. It must be that we were best friends. Perhaps, somewhere deep down I know that, even without my memories. Or maybe it's just that I have so few memories now, I cling to what I can remember. You looked so sad that day. Sometimes, when I picture your face you are crying and it hurts my heart to think I caused you any pain. Please don't be worried that you upset me at the hospital, I was just confused by everything. I'm still confused by everything, but I feel used to it now. I did wonder if I would ever hear from you again after that day. I wouldn't have blamed you if you hadn't kept in touch.

When my mother told me about your letter to her, for some reason I wasn't surprised. Though I will admit, it made me a little nervous. I seem to be disappointing everyone. I just hope I don't disappoint you too. My parents look at me with such hopeful faces, expecting things from me that I just can't give. For the life of me, I can't remember anything from before I woke up in the hospital. It's strange though because I still know how to function, just not how I came to know how. For instance, on the ride back to Wales, as we got closer to the coast, I spotted a gannet soaring through the air. How did I know that bird from any other? I couldn't tell you how, but it's like that for me. I know things, just not why or how I know them. When I sat down to write you, it was as easy as breathing, I didn't even have to think about it. Does that make sense? Even if I never get my memories back, I hope you will still be my friend. It has been a lonely few weeks, despite rarely being left alone. I feel a loss within myself that I can't quite name. I hope that I'll start to remember things and it will help.

I would love to get to know you all over again too! I have so many questions for you. How exactly did we come to be friends? I know that I was a nurse before, and at the hospital you seemed like a nurse to me. Are you a nurse? Did we work together? My parents spend all of their time with me talking about my childhood and telling me stories about my time with them. They hope it will help me remember but who knows how much I've changed from when I was child. It seems that I left home as soon as I could to go off and become a nurse. What I would really like is to know more about myself as an adult. I feel like I could connect better to my adult self than my child self. My parents say I used to visit them a few times a year and they've let me read the letters I sent to them. All of my letters seem so distant though, and my parents can't seem to tell me the details of my life in London either. I can't get a grasp on who I really was from them. Or, was I really that dull? Maybe there was nothing of mention to write home about. Gosh, I hope not! I did mention you in one letter, I said that I'd helped you with the Cubs. That must have been fun, I think I would have liked that.

Will you help me, Patsy? I feel like you must have known the real me. If you're willing, I'd love to hear from you. Tell me stories of our times together. Who was I? What was I like? Please don't think me totally selfish. I want to know everything about you too! Please, spare me no details.

If I've come on too strong, I am sorry. Before, at the hospital, I asked if you had many friends. Well it seems I have only one now. You.

Yours,

Delia Busby

Patsy laid the letter in her lap. Her heart had done a little flip when she read how Delia couldn't get her face out of her mind. _That must be good, right?_ She had wondered if Mrs. Busby would have to write the letters for Delia but she would know that gorgeously curved and delicate writing anywhere. She had sat beside Delia, watching her write letters to her parents before, and could remember the content. Usually Delia talked about nursing, telling funny stories about patients, or about the newest film she'd seen. She understood why Delia couldn't get a grasp on herself from those letters. They never told the real story; like who she had gone to see those films with or how she spent her time away from the hospital. Patsy could recall the letter where she was mentioned as Delia's friend from Cubs. She remembered telling Delia to take out any mention of her altogether. _"We can't have anyone getting suspicious, darling. Besides, we know who we are to each other. That's what matters."_ Delia, of course, had denied her request. _"Sweetheart, I have to at least mention you. I can't bear the idea that you don't even exist in my life to anyone but me. How about I say that I help you at Cubs? That's not the least bit suspicious! And, when I next visit my parents, I can mention you and they'll know who I'm talking about."_

Delia never did get to visit her parents again before the accident. Now, Patsy wonders why she was so cautious. Why shouldn't Delia have mentioned her? Women can have friends, even close friends. Yet, she was suffering now for her own cautiousness. If she hadn't told Delia to take her out of the letters, maybe she would have painted a picture of their relationship a bit closer to the truth. Instead, Delia, with no memory, gets a single mention of Patsy as a friend from Cubs to describe their relationship. So much of their life together had been about keeping secrets - but always from the rest of the world, never each other.

Patsy was heartbroken at the thought of Delia feeling like a disappointment to everyone. She would have to set the record straight on that one. Delia was many things; lovely, kind, funny, intelligent, and breathtakingly beautiful, but not a disappointment - never that. Patsy felt suddenly empowered. If she could do nothing else for Delia, she could remind her of how special she is. She could tell her stories from their past, show her the woman she was. The woman who had captured Patsy's heart. Patsy knew what to do. She would start from the beginning.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 is up - find out how Pats and Deels met. Thanks for the feedback everyone!**

Dearest Delia,

Your letter has made me happier than you can know! You couldn't have possibly come on too strong if you'd tried. I would be honored to remind you of our times together, as they were so special to me. First things first - you are correct that I am a nurse, in fact I'm a midwife now, and yes that is how we became friends. While you did help me with Cubs, that came much later.

You and I came on together as new nurses at The London (the same hospital where you were treated after the accident). I'll never forget the day I first saw you. It was our first day, along with five other girls. Apparently there was a mass exodus of nurses due to so many marrying at once and leaving the profession. We were all meant to arrive at the nurses home by 4 o'clock. I was half an hour early, of course, (I'm a bit "by the book" if I'm being honest) and you came traipsing in ten minutes late, chattering on about getting water in your watch (unfortunately, that wouldn't be for the last time). Of course, you'd have already stood out like a sore thumb, owing to your Welsh accent, so the other girls and I glanced at one another with raised eyebrows, wondering what awful punishment was coming your way. To our amazement, you absolutely charmed the nurse in charge and got away with only a "Please, see this doesn't happen again, Nurse Busby." I have to say, I was immediately enchanted by you. I mean, your pretty accent was charming enough, but after watching you talk your way out of trouble, I though to myself "I've got to get to know this little troublemaker - she seems quite fun!"

So, you definitely needn't worry that you were dull! Golly, you were such fun. I'd never met anyone like you, nor have I since. Although, please don't start thinking you were always in and out of trouble. Honestly, you were one of the best nurses I'd ever seen and despite first impressions, you were actually quite punctual and prepared usually. We were assigned rooms right next to each other at the nurses home and we both ended up on the male surgical ward. It was as if the stars aligned for us to become the best of friends. Indeed, being the new nurses, we were always kept on our toes and run ragged. If not for our room and ward placement, we might not have even gotten to spend any time together. Now, while I noticed you on our first day, it took you a bit longer to notice me, I think. After that initial misstep on our first day, you were so keen to make a good impression on our superiors that it took a few days before you really socialized with the other new nurses. There was one interesting night where we finally got properly acquainted.

It was the end of our second week. By some miracle, us new nurses finally had a night off together. It was decided that we should all go out dancing for a bit of fun. Although, between the seven of us, you and I were the only ones without boyfriends. So of course, the other five girls bailed on our girls-night-out to be with their chaps. With just us being left out, neither of us wanted to go dancing anymore. I asked you if you still wanted to spend the evening together considering it would just be the two of us. You looked at me so kindly, gave a grin, and said "Of course, I can't think of anything I'd rather do than make a new friend, such as yourself. In fact, a night in sounds lovely." I was so relieved to hear that because I had been feeling rather lonely and hadn't really bonded with any of the other girls yet. Both of us were exhausted from the rigorous training and orientation at the hospital and we confessed to each other that neither of us had been looking forward to a night of dancing anyway. I'd hidden a bottle of whiskey in my room and decided to let you in on the secret so we could unwind.

We headed to my room and sat on the bed, facing each other cross-legged. Suddenly, it seemed we had each gotten shy. Neither of us knew what to say and so we looked at each other in silence, until I saw the corner of your eye crinkle and your lip twitch and we burst out laughing together until our sides ached. Our shared awkwardness having broken the ice, I poured our drinks and it didn't take long for us to start commiserating about our first two weeks at the hospital. From there, we couldn't stop asking each other questions about our lives. It was then that we found out how much we had in common. We both adored listening to music, had wanted to be nurses since childhood, and had a similar wicked sense of humor. I confessed to you how much I'd admired your charm that first day. You blushed and told me you couldn't even believe you'd pulled it off, yourself. We stayed up the whole night, talking about everything you could imagine, and despite our exhaustion; it was as if we were even more invigorated come sunrise than if we'd slept a full night. You had to sneak out of my room that morning, and I held my breath until I heard your bedroom door open and close behind you. You see, it would have caused quite a stir if anyone found out you'd spent the night in my room. It was strictly against the rules to be out of your own bed past curfew; anything that could be construed as inappropriate would mean immediate dismissal. I kept telling you to head back to your room before we got caught but you'd say "Just a bit longer, we're having such a good time!" That's another thing about you I admire; you're not afraid to take risks. I'm the cautious one. Between us, I'm glad you stayed that night. That's one of my favorite memories.

After that, we were the best of friends. Being on the same ward, we'd find ways to meet each other throughout the day and have a giggle about the surly doctors or an especially difficult patient. Working at The London was so stressful, but I think we helped each other through it and became better nurses by having one another to lean on. I wish I could be there for you to lean on now. I must confess though, I feel a bit lost myself, without you to lean on. I hope that by writing to each other we can still offer one another support like we used to. I'll be here for you, Deels. You can count on that.

Now that I've told you how we met, I need to clear something up straight away. You could never, ever be a disappointment to me Deels. (I used to call you that and you called me Pats. I hope you don't mind.) So please, don't be nervous. I want you exactly however you come. Don't feel that I'm expecting anything from you. In fact, I want you to know how absolutely impressed I am with you. Without your memories, it's amazing how well you are picking things up so naturally. I'm not surprised though, you've always been a quick learner. Please keep your chin up, dear. It may be hard now but it won't be forever, I promise you that. Don't think for one minute that I'm your only friend, Delia. You can't imagine how many people here miss you. Once everyone heard I was in touch with you, I got so many requests to send best wishes, get wells, and love to you. I hope that someday soon I can take you around to visit all your friends who love and miss you. I've sent along a package with some get well cards for you as well. They are from your friends - read them and know you're not alone. I also tucked in one of my favorite pictures of us together. I thought you might like it.

Yours,

Patsy


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Delia's reaction to Patsy's letter. Sorry for the delay in updating - I'm working on a new steamy Pats and Deels one shot fic - coming soon! Thanks for reading!**

Delia sat at the desk in her bedroom and gazed out the window. She had just finished Patsy's letter and was trying to absorb the new information. She imagined what it must have been like to be a nurse working in London. Exciting, challenging, rewarding; that's what she pictured nursing to be like from Patsy's descriptions of their first weeks. _"Yes, that feels right - like I would choose that for myself now, all over again."_ It pleased Delia to think of her past choices aligning with what she would choose now. _"Maybe who I am, what I'm really like hasn't changed at all. Maybe I don't need my memories to be myself because that's something that never changed."_ Delia's thoughts were giving her hope for her future. Hope that she could be herself, like Patsy had said "exactly however she came," and it would be enough. For her and everyone else too.

It seemed like her and Patsy were so close. She might not remember what they shared, but she felt like she wanted it back anyway. Having someone to lean on sounded nice and she wanted to be that person for Patsy too. She didn't want to feel useless anymore. She couldn't shake the feeling that Patsy was some kind of lifeline to her. Like Patsy was the one thing keeping her head above water. She worried that she was depending too much on her, expecting too much. Was that fair, she wondered? Then again, it seemed like Patsy needed her too. She had said she felt lost without Delia. Delia smiled, and imagined for a moment that Patsy was sitting there with her. Would they sip whiskey and try to get to know each other all over again? Maybe it would be tiresome or repetitive for Patsy but Delia thought is sounded wonderful.

Delia had looked through all the cards Patsy had sent from her friends. She couldn't believe that she was once close to that many people, especially considering how isolated she felt now. There was just one small envelope left to open, it contained the picture Patsy sent. Delia intentionally saved it for last. She was a little scared to see herself in this photo from the past. Would she recognize herself at all? The outside of the envelope said "Us at the square dance." Delia smiled to herself _"I guess I like dancing."_ She took the photo out of the envelope and it took her a minute to process what she was seeing. It was a picture of Patsy and Delia, at what must have been a square dance, posing for the camera and laughing together. Patsy was wearing a flattering red and white dress and her gorgeous red hair was styled perfectly. _"She looks lovely,"_ Delia thought. Her own outfit looked fun and playful - unlike what she was wearing these days; she wished her mother had thought to pack up some of her things before they left for Wales. She recognized her own face in the photo, but it looked different, " _happier,"_ she thought. Her arm was wrapped around Patsy and she had a big grin on her face. Delia looked in the mirror at her desk and smiled, trying to imitate her look in the photo. For some reason, she couldn't get the smile to reach her eyes; couldn't make it appear genuine. Instead, she frowned at herself, disappointed. She took another look at the photo, this time, trying to find details from Patsy's face. She was shocked at how different Patsy looked from her memory of her at the hospital. Until now, she had only been able to conjure up images of Patsy crying, or looking sad. She took a closer look at the photo, and her heart fluttered. Patsy looked absolutely radiant, with such a warm smile on her face; but she wasn't smiling at the camera, she was looking at Delia. Delia tried to make sense of the feelings she was having but couldn't seem to wrap her mind around it. All she did know was that the picture made her feel joyful, it gave her an idea of who she once was and who she could be again.

"Delia," Mrs Busby shouted up the stairs, "it's nearly time for lunch, dear." For reasons she didn't fully understand, Delia quickly grabbed her letter from Patsy and the photo of them together and hid them in her desk drawer. She didn't know why, but she felt this was something she couldn't share with anyone. _"Well, anyone but Patsy."_ As Delia sat down with her mother for lunch, she felt distracted, excited. She couldn't shake the feeling of wanting to go outside and just run until she couldn't anymore. She wanted to feel free, alive. "So, what did Patsy have to say, dear?" asked Mrs. Busby. "Oh, she was telling me how we met at The London Hospital as new nurses. She sent along some lovely cards from my friends as well. It was nice hearing from her." Mrs. Busby looked happy for Delia "Oh, dear, that's nice! Did anything stir up memories?" she asked hopefully. Delia tried to hide the tension in her voice that built up every time she had to respond to that question,"No, not this time. Sorry." She finished her meal in record time and excused herself back to her bedroom "for a quick nap, just feeling a bit tired."

Really, she wanted a chance to look over Patsy's letters again without interruption. Patsy mentioned how Delia had to sneak out of her room that one night so they weren't dismissed for anything "inappropriate." _"What does she mean?"_ It was one of those situations where Delia felt like she was so close to understanding, to grasping something's meaning, but it felt just out of reach. Still, she wouldn't dare ask anyone but Patsy about it. Whatever else, she felt strongly that Pats was the only one she could truly confide in. Patsy did mention wanting to take Delia around to visit friends in London. Maybe, she could convince her mother to let her visit Patsy. Although, the more Delia thought about visiting London, the less it seemed like a good idea. _"I want to see Patsy but if I go to her, I'll have to visit all the people I knew and I'll have to repeat over and over again how I can't remember them or anything else from my past."_ It just seemed like too much all at once. Especially since she really only wanted to see Patsy, if she was being totally honest. _"Maybe she'd come visit me!"_ The idea made Delia feel excited and nervous. For some reason, she was worried Patsy wouldn't prefer the "new" Delia. She also hated the idea that Patsy would have to visit her at her childhood home with her parents and their constant hovering presence. She wished she had a place of her own, where she could be herself, and Patsy could visit her there. Uncomfortable feelings aside, she made up her mind to invite Patsy. She'd convince her parents, one way or another. She just hoped Patsy would come.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for the long absence! Hope you all like the new chapter!**

Patsy had never been so excited to receive the post before. She'd been expecting the letter from Delia and ran up to her room to read it as soon as it came. Now that she'd finished reading, she felt frantic. She had so much to do and was frustrated that she couldn't just drop everything right that instant and take off. Delia had invited her to visit; and whatever it took, she was going to Wales. She tried to calm herself but her mind swam with thoughts of everything she needed to do so she could see her love. Patsy needed to write Delia back and tell her she was coming, she needed to ask Sister Julienne for time off, she needed to pack her things, and she needed to pick up a present for Delia. After a few minutes, she settled down a bit to gather her thoughts. _"First, I need to get the time off, so I can give Deels a time to expect me."_

After speaking with Sister Julienne, Patsy felt relieved that it had been so easy. With Sister Mary Cynthia back, and having Nurse Crane and Barbara there too, it seemed as though there were plenty of hands to pick up the slack. Sister Julienne had been so gracious, "Of course you may go. You've certainly earned a holiday, Nurse Mount. Just choose a time and I'll see to it that your shifts are covered. Give Delia our love, please. She is a delightful young woman, we've missed having her around and pray for her swift recovery."

With that settled, Patsy wanted to write to Delia.

Dearest Delia,

I was so happy to receive your letter. It has become the thing I most look forward to. You invited me to stay with you, and I do hope you meant it, as I've already asked for the time off from work and will be making my way to you very soon. Excited as I am to visit, I'd rather not show up unexpectedly at your doorstep. So, you can plan on me being there on Monday. I don't have the train schedule, otherwise I'd give you a time too. I can hardly wait to see you, Deels! You have no idea how happy you've made me! I'd write more, but I want this letter to go out today so I'd better hurry!

Until we meet,

Pats

Patsy couldn't seem to stop thinking about Delia and the impending visit. She needed to compose herself and go on her rounds. She had a few days more to work and she wanted to make sure she had everything squared away with her patients before she took off for Wales. All through her rounds, she was amazed at her ability to concentrate on her work. It was only occasionally, mostly when riding her bike to the next home, that she would get utterly distracted with thoughts of Delia. It was then that her stomach would flip at the thought of seeing her love in a few days time. Patsy knew it would be hard, pretending Delia was nothing more than a best friend. Every night, she would dream of kissing and holding Delia. Every morning, she would wake up to the reality of their relationship. It was a bittersweet kind of agony, but one she would endure if it meant having Deels in her life; romantically or not.

Patsy wanted to bring a present for Delia. She knew how cooped up the young woman felt, without any outside interaction, and wanted to cheer her up. Besides, Patsy had been brought up properly and knew to bring a gift when invited to stay at someone's house. She already had ideas for the gifts for Delia's parents. A nice pair of work gloves for Delia's father and a lovely hair comb for her mother. As Patsy made her way back to Nonnatus House for dinner, she still hadn't decided on a present for Deels. At dinner, everyone heard the news about Patsy traveling to visit Delia. Excitement buzzed all around the table as everyone made Patsy promise to tell Delia how much she was missed. It warmed her heart to know how much Delia was loved by the people she was closest to. Feeling overwhelmed by the support, Patsy had more than once sneakily dabbed at her eyes with her napkin. Everyone sat around the table had become like family to her and she wished she could share with them the truth about her and Delia but knew it was too risky. Instead, she took comfort in their kind words and love.

Trixie had to work a night shift that evening so Patsy would have the bedroom to herself. She wanted to re-read Delia's letter because several times that day she'd had the urge to pinch herself to check that it was all real. For the first time in weeks, Patsy felt like everything would truly be okay. She pulled the letter out of her keepsake box and laid on her bed to read it again.

Dearest Pats,

I can't thank you enough for your letter and the package of lovely notes from friends. It made me smile to think of all the people who consider me a friend. I have to say though, I loved the photo of us the most. I felt like I got a glimpse into my past and it made me want it back. That square dance must have been so much fun! I couldn't stop staring at our faces, we looked so happy. I want to feel like that again and I think you might be the person to help me get there. When you talked about us meeting as new nurses, it felt right to me. As easily as I can imagine you as a nurse, I can imagine myself as a nurse too. It feels like it fits, it suits me, even now. That must mean I'm still the same person, even if I can't remember it, right? It got me wondering what else about myself is just under the surface, waiting to be rediscovered.

In your letter, I relished every detail of how we came to be friends. I loved hearing how we stayed up all night drinking whiskey and getting to know one another. I actually haven't had any alcohol since the accident so I can't remember what it feels like to drink. As I read, I felt like a man lost in the desert, treating each of your words like a drop of water. Your stories are helping me find myself again. Even though I don't have the memories, your stories reassure me that who I really am is the same. It gives me hope! Since the accident, I've felt detached from everyone and everything. Every once in a while, I would catch myself feeling stifled and I would long to escape this house and run. Sometimes, I'd pretend that I made it all the way to London and once I got there, everything would make sense again and I'd be free. It felt like I couldn't connect to anything because I couldn't connect to myself. I feel more at peace with myself now, like everything will unfold how it should and I'll be alright in the end. Having you in my life has made all the difference. That being said, I have a big favor to ask you. I hope that I'm not putting too much pressure on you. Sometimes I worry I will scare you off when you realize what a handful I really am.

The favor is this: will you come to Wales and visit me? I know it's asking a lot of you and I know how busy your life must be. I've already asked my parents and they have agreed to have you as a guest in our home. In fact, my mother really likes the idea and thinks it will be good for me to have someone else around to spend time with. We don't have an extra bedroom, but you can stay in my room with me. I hope you don't mind. Any time you can come, I'd be so happy to have you. I know that you probably have better things you'd rather spend your holiday time doing but please consider it! Pembrokeshire is actually quite lovely, when it isn't raining! I would love to see you, Pats. For the longest time, I'd picture your face looking so sad because I only remembered you from the hospital visit. Now that I have this photo of you, it's like seeing a different person. You're really quite pretty, you know.

I have a confession to make. I had a dream about you last night. It was so strange because it felt like so much was happening but nothing made sense to me even though it felt like it should. I think we were in London. I want to say we were in some strange sort of night-time parade. I had these feelings of being angry with you but mostly I felt sad, although I can't imagine why. It doesn't make any sense. At some point, I turned to walk away but you stopped me. You held my hand and said "We're not dead." Then I suddenly realized that I was invisible and wearing a wedding veil, and only you could see me. I said to you, "Sometimes I feel as if we're ghosts." Then, I started floating into the air, tethered to the ground only by your hand holding mine. You shouted at me, "Delia, do you think I can bear it?" Soon, you couldn't hold on to me anymore and as I floated into the sky you began crying and yelled to me "We won't live as we were!" I awoke crying, in a cold sweat after that dream. I couldn't make sense of it; it felt both real and unreal at the same time. I hope you can tell me if it means anything at all. It felt so important, the feelings have weighed on me ever since.

Please come visit me. I miss you, Pats. No, I don't remember, but I still miss you somehow. If you can't come though, I will understand. Let me know soon, one way or another.

Yours,

Deels


	6. Chapter 6

**Here's another chapter before tonight's episode. Hope you all enjoy it!**

Having just re-read Delia's letter, Patsy felt excitement rise up within her again. _"I'm really going to see her again. In just a few days!"_ She grinned to herself. It suddenly hit her exactly what gift she wanted to bring Delia. A bottle of whisky. She wasn't so naïve as to think they would try to recreate the night they first got acquainted, but Delia had mentioned not remembering what drinking was like. Patsy thought it could be quite fun, helping Delia get a little tipsy for the first time, sort of. Patsy had many fond memories of drinking with Delia. The Welsh woman was quite silly and uninhibited when drinking. Often, Patsy had just sat back to take her all in, watching her gesture wildly with her hands and listening to her talk animatedly about one thing or another. It was one of the things, among millions, that she missed now. Of course, she'd bring another gift too. Something Delia could open in front of her parents, just in case they didn't approve of their daughter drinking.

Patsy loved reading that Delia was feeling like who she is now matched up with who she was before. Patsy could sense the same, from the content of her letters. Delia didn't know it, but she'd already once told Patsy that Pembrokeshire was lovely, when it wasn't raining. Patsy knew it was silly, but it felt like getting a little bit of _her_ Delia back when she'd read that.

Of course, the part of the letter that stood out to Patsy the most, and had actually made her gasp when she'd first read it, was the last part. Patsy knew exactly what Delia's dream had been about. It was one of the most defining periods of their relationship, a big turning point for them both. The fact that Delia was dreaming about it meant that her memories must still be in there, somewhere. Reading about the dream, coupled with Delia's invitation to visit, had nearly caused Patsy's heart to stop. She'd been in such a rush to make the visit happen that she'd yet to think about the reality of going to Wales. _"We'll have to share a bedroom…and how exactly will I explain to her about the dream? Do I lie? Pretend I don't know? How can I possibly tell her the truth?"_

Patsy yearned to just be honest with Delia about everything, but knew she couldn't risk it. What if Delia reacted badly? The way Delia wrote to her, the words she used; it felt like it had when they were first falling in love. Patsy hoped Delia would feel the same and their relationship could develop naturally, like it had before. That way, Delia could discover her feelings on her own and Patsy wouldn't have to risk anything by telling her the truth. _"I just have to hope she'll still want me, this time around."_ There was a small part of Patsy that worried Delia would never love her again. A small part that knew Delia might move on with her life, settle down somewhere else, with someone else. For this reason, Patsy wouldn't allow herself to fully hope for Delia's love again. If Delia moved on, she'd find some way to be a part of her life, even as a friend. While Delia might not be tied to Patsy in any way she remembers, for Patsy, Delia was her one and only, forever.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Delia could hardly believe her luck. It had been only a few days and she'd already gotten a reply back from Patsy. She'd run upstairs to her room to read it and almost squealed with delight to know that Patsy was going to visit. _"Monday?"_ she stopped to think for a moment, _"That's…tomorrow!"_ she gulped. She suddenly felt unprepared. Yes, she had already gotten her parents to agree to have a visitor, but she hadn't really thought everything through. _"What will we feed her? What if she's a picky eater, or wants something fancy?"_ Looking around, Delia realized they didn't have much in the way of entertainment either. _"What is she thinks I'm a bore now! I've only got conversation to offer her."_ Taking a deep breath, she stopped herself, " _No…Patsy likes me for me. It will be fine. We'll take walks and talk and talk…Yes, everything will be okay."_

Delia had spent the whole rest of that day helping her mother tidy up for their guest. They had even gone grocery shopping to pick up ingredients for many meals. After all, they had another person to feed for a week! Delia's mother did love to cook, and was quite good at it, so even if Patsy liked fancy food, Delia was sure she'd enjoy her meals. While out, Delia had stopped to look for the Monday train schedule. To her luck, there was only one train coming in from London that day so she made plans to be there to pick up Patsy. There had not been enough time to communicate with Patsy before she arrived, so Delia hoped it was okay to pick her up. Delia had also managed to send her mother on a bit of a wild goose chase while she sneakily made a small purchase. She wanted to give Patsy something and thought she'd found just the right thing for the redhead.

As a last minute final touch, Delia had snuck out to pick wild flowers. She took her time, selecting only the most beautiful ones, and then carefully arranged them in a jug on her bedroom windowsill. She hoped Patsy would like having them to look at each morning. She stood back to admire her work and felt a funny feeling in her stomach. She decided it must be down to her nerves about finally seeing Patsy again.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Patsy was sitting on the train, bound for Wales. She really hoped Delia had gotten her letter in time, knowing she'd not given her much time to prepare. It was totally unlike Patsy to not have every detail ironed out but she couldn't help but rush to see Delia as soon as she could. Now, she just hoped when she knocked at their door it wouldn't be a surprise! Patsy looked out the window and smiled. She couldn't believe each passing second was bringing her closer to her love. She'd never been to Wales before and could already tell from the change in scenery that it was beautiful. She delighted in the thought of visiting Delia's childhood home. It was the kind of thing other couples did but she'd have never considered visiting Delia's parents before. It made her happy to have a little more of Delia's history that she would be able to share in.

Patsy opened her suitcase in her lap and double checked that her gifts were still inside. She tenderly stroked the fabric of the cardigan she'd brought for Delia. It would be the gift she could open in front of her parents. Patsy had been in possession of Delia's belongings since the accident so she knew that Delia didn't have anything of her own in Wales. She decided the perfect gift for Delia would be something she had picked out for herself and loved: her favorite purple cardigan. She had worn it often but it still looked brand-new and smelled of her perfume, which Patsy had brought a bottle of as well. _"She liked it before, surely she'll like it again."_ Patsy didn't want to admit that she'd missed Delia's scent and knew that giving her perfume as a gift meant she'd have Delia smelling like she did in Patsy's memories. Like she'd have one more piece of Delia back.

Lost in her thoughts, Patsy could hardly believe it when she felt the train slow down at her stop. Suddenly, butterflies took flight in her stomach as she shut her suitcase and stood to gather her belongings. Taking a deep breath, she steeled herself for whatever lie ahead. Stepping off the train, she breathed in the fresh air and felt a truly genuine smile pull at her lips. She next took in the beauty of her surroundings, amazed that it wasn't raining. She thought, " _Yes, this is where my Delia is from. It suits her."_ She was pulled suddenly from her reverie by the most beautiful, liltingly sweet voice in the world, "Pats?" And there she stood, _"Delia…"_


	7. Chapter 7

**Patsy and Delia reunited! Hope you enjoy it!**

"Pats?" Delia said, moving toward the woman stepping off the train. Patsy couldn't believe her eyes. _"Delia…"_ The thrill of hearing Delia's voice made her heart jump in her chest but she wasn't expecting to see the Welsh woman so soon and the sight of her was an assault to her senses. Momentarily dumbstruck, she could only manage to take a step forward, unable to speak yet. She took in Delia's dress, which must be new, and admired the polished look of her love. Delia had really put some effort into her appearance, or so it seemed to Patsy, who tried not to stare. Finally, their eyes met and Patsy could see the nerves Delia was trying to hide.

"Patsy? Is it alright that I came to pick you up? I know I didn't tell you before. There was no time. I couldn't have gotten a letter to you in time." Patsy almost grinned at her uncharacteristically insecure question. Almost. Instead, she rushed forward to stand in front of her and set her things down. "Oh Delia, it's wonderful that you met me here! Who knows what time I'd have turned up at your house otherwise? I was not looking forward to asking for directions." Delia smiled, "Really? Good. I'm so glad." For the second time in not two minutes, Delia surprised Patsy by suddenly moving forward and wrapping her arms around her in a hug. Patsy could have sworn she heard Delia sigh, but dismissed the thought as purely wishful thinking. Patsy found herself melting into the touch of her. She had missed her affection and this felt like the first ray of sunshine after a monsoon. Wrapped up in her feelings, she found herself embarrassed when Delia moved to pull away and she held her tight a fraction of a second longer, unable to let go.

Delia gave her a curious look and tilted her head to the side, but said nothing about it. "Can I help you carry your things?" Delia asked, already reaching to grab a suitcase. "Oh Delia, are you sure? I don't want you to overdo it." Delia smiled but waved a finger at Patsy, "Oh Pats, don't you start in on me too. It's all I hear from my mother as it is. You're supposed to be on my side." Patsy smiled back, "I am on your side. Sorry. Clearly you are capable of carrying things. I've just always been protective of you and I guess it's no different now." Delia reached for her hand and squeezed it, "I feel protective of you too." Then, grinning, she continued "But, you can pick up the rest of your bags and help me. I can't carry it all." Patsy laughed out loud, "Alright, fair's fair."

They set off in the direction of Delia's home. Patsy was content to let Delia chatter away as they walked, letting her point out various things along the way. "Oh, that's the best place for a good bite to eat." She said, pointing to a small building along what looked like the road running through the middle of town. "That's the post office. I always walk there to post your letters. It's my favorite excuse to get out of the house!" As they walked further, the landscape opened up more until it was just the occasional house along the way. "Not much longer now," Delia said before pointing out her favorite shade tree along a small river.

Patsy took this time while they were alone to memorize every detail of Delia, while she was distracted, acting as her tour guide. She took in Delia's hair, which was done up like it usually was, and it made her yearn even more to have their relationship back. She didn't know it, but Delia had imitated the style she saw in the photo of her and Patsy; wanting to look like her old self, the way Patsy remembered her. Patsy also noticed Delia's new dress. It was dark blue, knee length, and cinched in around the waist; really showing off Delia's figure. She found her eyes resting on the curve of her waist. She hadn't realized when Delia had stopped talking, but could suddenly feel her staring at her. "Patsy? Have you been listening to a word I've said?" she chuckled, watching Patsy shake off her daydream. "Gosh, sorry. Yes, I am listening though. I was just distracted. Thinking." Patsy said, giving an apologetic half smile. "What are you thinking about?" Delia asked. Patsy stammered, "Well…um," she felt herself blush, "I guess I was just thinking about how different it is from London here." Delia nodded, seeming to accept the answer. "Yes, it is different. I hope it doesn't bore you. Pembrokeshire doesn't have all the excitement of a big city like London." Patsy looked at Delia, trying to make her sense her sincerity, "No, but it's got you; and you could never bore me." Delia's eyes shined brightly back at her as a huge grin overtook her face. Patsy returned the smile and they walked the last few minutes of the journey in contemplative silence.

Patsy had to admit to herself that meeting Delia's parents had been stressful. Her father was a quiet man but seemed appreciative of the gloves she had gifted him. In contrast, Delia's mother was quite the chatterbox; going on and on about how glad she was for Delia to have a friend visit and asking Patsy about every detail of her journey. She had grasped Patsy's hands and smiled at her earnestly when thanking her for the lovely hair comb and Patsy silently thanked her stars that she seemed to be making a good impression on what once upon a time would have been her in-laws, so to speak. Delia had been absolutely over the moon to receive the purple cardigan ("I love the color!") and perfume. "Oh Pats, it smells lovely, thank you!" she said, spraying it on. Though convinced she had made a good impression, Patsy was relieved when Mrs. Busby said, "Oh girls, do go on upstairs and get settled in. I'm sure you're quite tired from the journey, Patsy dear. I'll call you down when supper is ready."

Finding herself alone with Delia, in her bedroom, had been a relief. Delia sat on her bed and smiled at Patsy, who was walking around inspecting her things curiously. "I'm absolutely dreadful, aren't I?" asked Patsy, looking at Delia, "Do you mind me looking around?" Delia laughed, "Not at all. There isn't much to see anyway." Patsy disagreed, "I don't know, these pictures of you as a child are pretty adorable," she said holding up a frame. Delia blushed at the compliment, "Thanks, I was quite the tomboy apparently. All scraped knees, rocks in the pockets, and dirty hands." Patsy laughed, "Well some things never change." Delia looked offended, but still grinned, "Oh hush, you." she said, eliciting a chuckle from Patsy.

Patsy was startled from their joking when her eyes fell on the flowers in the windowsill. Delia watched her carefully, wondering what made Patsy's expression change so quickly. "What's wrong?" Delia asked. Patsy shook her head slowly, "Nothing. Nothing's wrong." Patsy turned to face Delia. "These flowers are so pretty." Delia felt pleased with herself at the compliment. "Thank you. I picked them for you. I wanted you to have something beautiful to look at every day." Patsy's heart melted and she thought to herself _"I already do, when I'm with you."_ Out loud, she could only manage a quiet "They're lovely, Delia." Delia jumped up from the bed then and walked over to her chest of drawers. She opened the top two drawers, "I cleared these out for you to put your things in. Do you want help unpacking?" Patsy was touched at the gesture, "Yes, thank you. It will be nice to settle in."

Patsy placed her things on the bed and opened her suitcase while Delia opened another bag to help. Patsy quickly moved to stop her, but it was too late. Delia had already opened the bag containing her underclothes. Delia blushed instantly and Patsy was about to say something when Delia cut in, "So, umm, where would you like these to go?" Patsy felt her voice go up in pitch as she tried to act indifferent to the situation, "Oh, well, I guess you could put them in the top drawer." Delia nodded and moved to place the items where she was instructed to. Patsy pretended to be occupied refolding the clothes in her suitcase while Delia completed her task. Delia meanwhile, found herself carefully placing each garment in the drawer, feeling a curiosity about each item and also feeling somewhat scandalous to be touching Patsy's underwear and bras. She was confused by this, considering that she helped her mother with the washing and never thought twice about handling her garments. She had a sudden realization that she now knew what Patsy was wearing under her clothes and it made her heart pound. She couldn't stop the mental image of Patsy in her underwear from flashing into her mind. She felt immensely embarrassed at herself, even more so when she realized she was done putting the things away and had to face Patsy now.

"All done?" Patsy asked, noticing the awkwardness in Delia, who couldn't quite meet her eyes. Delia nodded, so Patsy began to unpack her suitcase next. She spotted the bottle of whisky and decided to surprise Delia with it then and distract her from what had just transpired. "Deels?" Delia looked up to see Patsy smirking mischievously. "What? Why do you look so impish?" she asked curiously. Patsy was obviously holding something behind her back and she replied, "Well, I might have gotten you another little gift." Delia raised her eyebrows, "Oh really? Why am I scared?" They both laughed and Patsy said with a grin, "Well, remember how you said you haven't had a drink since the accident?" Pulling the bottle from behind her back, she continued, "Well, I brought you some whisky. I thought we might share it and see what you think of it. Once your parents are asleep, of course."

Delia giggled and walked over to grab the bottle from Patsy. She looked it over and her smile grew even bigger, "Thank you so much! You always seem to know exactly what I'll like. I've actually been really curious about whisky since your letter. Of course my parents don't keep any in the house." Patsy nodded, "Well now you have some! Although, I rather think we should finish it off while I'm here for the week. I don't like to think of you drinking alone." Delia agreed, "Deal. We'll have some tonight!" she said, grinning, and stepped on her tiptoes to kiss Patsy's cheek before giving her a hug. "Thank you so much, Pats. For everything. It means more to me than you know." The hug lasted longer and felt tighter than the first one she had gotten that day. When it was over, it was Patsy who had pulled away first, albeit reluctantly. She could only stare at the ground afterward, feeling a heat rise in her body, even though she knew Delia's affection had only been friendly, it couldn't stop her feelings from wanting to boil over. Missing Delia had been so much easier when there was distance between them. It was harder, missing her when she was standing right in front of her, holding her, kissing her cheek, and not remembering what they had shared together. When she did meet Delia's eyes, she saw a pure happiness within them and had to smile. "You're welcome, Deels. I'd do anything to make you happy."

Delia seemed overjoyed by her kind words and said, "And I'd do anything to make you happy too. Now, close your eyes."


	8. Chapter 8

**Picking up where we left off last chapter. Hope you like it!**

"You're welcome, Deels. I'd do anything to make you happy."

Delia seemed overjoyed by her kind words and said, "Good. I'd do anything to make you happy too. Now, close your eyes." Patsy looked startled by the sudden command. "Excuse me?" Delia laughed, "I said, close your eyes. I have a gift for you too." Patsy's tense shoulders visibly relaxed. She had almost, for just a moment, wondered if Delia was going to kiss her again; somewhere other than the cheek. Their playfulness and yes, even their awkwardness, had felt so familiar to her. She had to remind herself that Delia wasn't feeling the same as she was; that Delia didn't remember their past and how close they had really been before.

With her eyes closed, she was led by Delia to sit on the bed. She heard her rustling around and then felt something small placed in her lap. "Okay, you can open your eyes." Patsy looked first at Delia, who had a child-like smile on her face, excited to see Patsy's reaction. Then she looked at the object in her lap. It was a small, silver pendant necklace with intricate designs over the front and the word 'cariad' engraved in the center. Patsy's heart stopped. " _Could she remember?"_ she wondered. Composing herself, she looked at Delia closely. "It says cariad…" Delia nodded, "Yes. It's Welsh." Patsy studied her face further, "Yes, I know. I've heard it before." Not sure what to make of her reaction, Delia frowned "You don't like it?"

Patsy sighed, "No Delia, it's not that. It's lovely. I adore it. I suppose I'm just wondering why you chose it." Delia shrugged, "I can't say why exactly. I just saw it and thought it belonged to you. So I bought it. I wondered if maybe it had some significance considering how strongly I felt about getting it for you. Also, I love the word. It's a term of endearment and well…I guess I wanted you to know how special you are to me." Patsy smiled, "Well, I wish you knew how special you are to me too. I love it. Will you put it on me?" While Delia stood behind her, fastening the necklace, Patsy wiped away the single tear that had escaped the second she'd turned away from Delia. She quickly composed herself before facing her again. "You really like it then?" Delia asked. "More than you can know, Delia."

What Delia didn't know, couldn't know, was that 'cariad' was her very own, secret term of endearment for Patsy. Patsy had many memories of their love making, when Delia would lapse into Welsh, murmuring gorgeous words Patsy couldn't understand. Except for "Oh, cariad," which she'd repeat over and over again. Delia had looked deeply into her eyes and whispered "You're beautiful, cariad," before kissing her for the first time. It was a word used only for Patsy. So, yes, the word held some significance to Patsy. Quite a lot. She allowed herself to hope, just a little, that Delia's pull to buy the necklace for her was rooted in her somewhere deep, somewhere their memories still lived; waiting to be rediscovered.

Patsy saw a small yawn escape Delia's mouth through her smile. "Are you getting sleepy? You must have overdone it, with that walk to the train station and back." Delia looked embarrassed to have been caught out. "I'm so sorry. I forgot to rest. I get more easily tired since the accident. Usually, it's not so bad really. I just hardly slept a wink last night, I was so excited for you to come." Patsy felt a grin tug at her mouth, to see Delia acting so adorably and admitting to being so excited to see Patsy. Patsy felt inclined to admit, "Well, I feel I should tell you that I'm in the same boat. I barely slept last night either. I couldn't stop thinking about seeing you again." Patsy couldn't stop herself from giving Delia a tiny wink and was so pleased to see Delia blush and smile back.

Delia felt suddenly shy around Patsy. Of course she knew they would be sharing a bed but now that she was going to suggest a nap to Patsy, she felt like it meant more than just a nap and she wasn't sure why that made her heart race. "So...it sounds like we could both stand to rest before dinner." Patsy nodded and looked around the room. It had only just sunk in that there was one bed in the room. "So, where shall I..." she started, feeling unsure of herself. Delia jumped in, "Oh, well there's just the one bed. I hope that's okay? If not, I could always.." Patsy almost comically fell over herself to interject, "No! No, that's not necessary. Really, don't go to any extra trouble for me. Sharing a bed is no problem."

"Okay. Good." Delia smiled, "I didn't really fancy sleeping on the floor, but I wanted to be polite." Patsy laughed, "How kind of you, Deels. I wouldn't dream of kicking you out of bed." Once upon a time, Delia would have jumped all over the innuendo in a sentence like that, teasing Patsy mercilessly, but this time she just smiled back. Delia laid down on the left side of the bed and patted the spot next to her, "Well, come on then. Let's try to sleep before dinner." Patsy kicked off her heels, and felt happy that Delia had chosen the left side, just like she always did before.

They had both been so tired that they easily fell asleep soundly in minutes, sleeping nearly in a spooning position; if they had only been a few inches closer and touching. It was Patsy who awoke first. She looked at the clock on the nightstand. An hour had passed. She turned over to face Delia; wanting to watch her sleep and be able to look at her without having to worry about getting caught looking too long. Delia sighed in her sleep and Patsy smiled. She always did make cute little noises while she slept. When Delia gave a cute little giggle, Patsy tried not to laugh herself at how adorable the Welsh woman was.

However, Patsy was soon reminded of the other thing Delia sometimes did while she slept, when Delia began breathing heavily and moaned quietly. Patsy felt her stomach clinch, remembering all the times she had been woken up by the other woman's noises only to wake her up too and continue what Delia had started in her dreams. Only, Patsy couldn't do that now. Instead, she watched her sweetheart growing restless, moving and mumbling, while feeling powerless to do anything but lie still and watch.

Irrationally, Patsy felt a sudden pang of jealousy. _"Just who is she dreaming about?"_ Patsy wondered. Delia used to swear she only ever dreamed of Patsy, "Who else but you, cariad? Don't be silly. I've only ever had eyes for you." Only now, Patsy wondered who Delia might have met in their brief time apart, who could have infiltrated what few memories Delia now had to sneak into her dreams. Then, Patsy remembered the dream Delia wrote to her about. It was definitely wrapped in real memories of their time together. Patsy grinned then, allowing herself to imagine some of their intimate times and wonder which one Delia might be dreaming of.

Patsy was pulled from her thoughts when Delia had a sharp intake of air into her lungs, and suddenly sat straight up in bed, looking wild in her eyes and with sweat on her brow. Patsy sat up too then. "What is it, Delia? Are you alright?" she asked, watching closely to see if Delia seemed to remember the content of her dream. Delia stared at Patsy then and her eyes grew wide.

"Delia! Patsy! Dinner is ready, dears!" Mrs. Busby shouted from the kitchen.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello all! I hope you're still following along. It's been such fun writing about these two! I hope you like it!**

Patsy was pulled from her thoughts when Delia had a sharp intake of air into her lungs, and suddenly sat straight up in bed, looking wild in her eyes and with sweat on her brow. Patsy sat up too then. "What is it, Delia? Are you alright?" she asked, watching closely to see if Delia seemed to remember the content of her dream. Delia stared at Patsy then and her eyes grew wide.

"Delia! Patsy! Dinner is ready, dears!" Mrs. Busby shouted from the kitchen.

Delia gulped and jumped up from bed. Her words tumbled hurriedly from her lips, "Well...We'd better head down. Mam doesn't like to be kept waiting. Come on then." With that, Delia opened the door to the room and walked down the stairs. Patsy was left dumbstruck. _"What on Earth just happened?"_ She was pretty sure she knew what had just been going on with Delia, but her reaction to it was puzzling. Patsy stood up and took a deep breath, straightened her clothing and headed down after Delia.

Dinner had been a pleasant affair at least. It seemed as though Delia was not the only Busby starved for company. Mr. and Mrs. Busby smiled and laughed at Patsy's tales from Poplar, urging her on. All eyes were on her, only she couldn't seem to catch Delia's eyes when she would make a point to look at her. Delia would find something else to look at. Every time. It left Patsy very confused but she didn't have time to dwell on it just then. She was too concentrated on charming the elder Busby's.

Delia spent most of dinner trying not to blush at the memory of her earlier dream. She couldn't look Patsy in the eye now. Not after imagining her...doing those things...liking her doing those things...and doing them right back in return. When Delia had finally woken up, she was shocked at herself. No thoughts of that nature had crossed her mind since the accident. It was as if she had been oblivious to that side of human nature. Not anymore though.

It didn't occur to Delia that her dream might have been a memory and not a fantasy. The innocence of her young memories wouldn't have allowed her to imagine Patsy loving her back in that way. So all she could feel was shame. She was ashamed to think of her best friend in that way. She was ashamed that she liked it, wanted it, still wanted it. Despite all that, her feelings were clear now. She loved Patsy. Was in love with Patsy.

Throughout dinner, she'd stare at her features, only looking away when Patsy tried to catch her eye. Patsy would laugh and Delia was mesmerized by her beauty. Delia was certain now that all those feelings she'd had when writing to Patsy; staring at the picture of them at the dance, hiding their letters, wanting so badly to see Patsy in person: she'd been falling in love with her. She didn't feel prepared for any of it.

"Are you feeling alright, dear?" Mrs. Busby asked Delia. "You're just pushing your food around and you've barely said a word." Patsy looked at Delia then, raising an eyebrow. "Yes, sorry. I'm fine, really. I think I just need some fresh air. Are you finished Patsy? Want to come for a walk with me?" Patsy looked surprised by the invitation. She feared that Delia had been put off her by whatever she'd dreamt about. "Yes, quite. Dinner was lovely, Mrs. Busby. Thank you. A walk sounds wonderful, Delia." Mrs. Busby refused to allow Patsy to help with clearing away the dishes so the pair set off for a walk.

They walked in silence for nearly fifteen minutes. Occasionally, Patsy would start to say something, but she'd look at Delia, staring ahead pensively, and the words would catch in her mouth. She soon realized they were heading to Delia's favorite shade tree by the river; the one they'd passed earlier that day. When they got to the tree, Delia stopped abruptly and finally looked at Patsy.

Delia had grown accustomed to feeling as if Patsy was a sort of lifeline to both her past and future. The only person she could really express herself around. Patsy gave her life a sense of stability. Now though, Patsy was the source of her questions and worry. Delia had no frame of reference when it came to being queer. Though, she knew enough to know it must be kept a secret. She knew it was something society would frown upon. She wondered if there were other people like her. Would Patsy know? She wondered.

"Pats…" Delia began awkwardly, "I was wondering about something." Patsy looked at her curiously, "Well, go on then." Delia stammered for a moment, searching for a way to ask the question without saying too much. Patsy took her hand and gently squeezed it, stroking the back of it with her thumb for just a second before releasing it. "It's only me, Deels. You can say anything to me." Delia gave Patsy a sad smile, "I know that. I do." But Delia had lost her resolve. "Nevermind. Sorry that I've been so quiet. It's just been a long day. I am so pleased that you are here though. I hope I haven't disappointed you." Patsy tilted her head and gave a disapproving look, "Delia, don't do that. You could never disappoint me. Never."

Delia wanted to hug Patsy then, but her newly realized love for the other woman held her back. Instead, she nodded her head. "I'm sorry. I can be hard on myself. I did tell you I was a handful." Patsy laughed, "Well my hands are rather large, so I suppose I can handle you," she said playfully. Delia's heart fluttered at what felt like Patsy flirting with her. Convinced it was merely wishful thinking, she still couldn't help herself from replying back flirtatiously. "I guess we'll have to wait and see," she said with mischief in her eyes. She then took hold of the rather large tree branch behind them and hoisted herself up. In seconds, she was halfway up the tree and positioned in what was clearly her favorite sitting spot. Patsy's eyes were wide. "Delia! You're too high up! What are you thinking? You could hurt yourself! Get down here this instant!"

Delia felt both surprised and a little pleased by Patsy's command. "Patsy, I climb this tree almost every day, when I can sneak away for a walk by myself. I promise you I won't get hurt." Patsy huffed, but replied with much less wind in her sails, "Well…at least come down a little bit so I can see you better and not have a heart attack every time you move." Delia smiled, "Or you could come up…" she challenged. Patsy looked at Delia as if she was crazy. "Delia Busby, I am wearing a dress. I couldn't possibly…I wouldn't even know how."

"I could help you," Delia offered. "The view from up here is heavenly. I'd like you to see it." Patsy couldn't say no. She never really could with Delia. "Oh fine, but you'll have to get down here to help me up." Again, it took mere seconds for Delia to descend the tree. Delia took Patsy's hands and guided them to the right branch. "Just here is where you'll grab on." Patsy shivered at Delia's hands on her own, her body pressed against her back. Delia's hand traveled to her leg, guiding it to the notch in the tree where she should place her foot. "Now, lean into that notch with your foot and pull yourself up. I'll stay just a step behind you the whole way up."

As Patsy attempted to pull herself up, Delia was right there behind her, with hands on her hips, helping to push her up. They ascended the tree with Delia guiding Patsy's every move. Placing Patsy's hands and feet in just the right places, always at her back, making sure she was safe. Finally, Patsy was sat in Delia's favorite spot and she had to admit to herself that Delia was more than capable of handling herself whilst climbing trees. Delia looked at Patsy and grinned, "That wasn't so bad was it? Now look at this view," she said, motioning her hand in the direction of the quiet blue river below and the sprawling greenery before them. Patsy was indeed amazed by the beauty of the landscape. "You were right. It is heavenly. It's so peaceful up here. I can see why you sneak off to this tree." Delia nodded. "Yes, it helps me clear my head. I always feel better when I leave here. I wanted to share it with you."

Patsy had felt so worried ever since dinner. Wondering what was on Delia's mind after their nap. After that dream. Now though, looking at Delia staring out at the river, her hair rustled by the wind, Patsy could only feel love. "Do you? Feel better?" Delia took her time in answering. Just when Patsy was sure she hadn't heard her question, Delia spoke "I do feel better, yes. I can really be myself with you, can't I Patsy? I mean…really be myself. Like you said in your letter, exactly however I am." Patsy reached out and brushed the wind-blown hair from Delia's eyes. "Yes, Delia. You can. Really."

Patsy had a feeling that Delia did remember her dream. While Patsy couldn't be certain that the dream was about her, she felt certain that Delia had at least glimpsed her own sexuality for the first time since the accident. Patsy knew what it was like to discover that part of yourself for the first time. And to be scared of it. She wouldn't push Delia. She wouldn't tell her things unless she asked. At least for now. Patsy wanted Delia to figure this out for herself. If Delia was ever going to love her back, Patsy wanted to know it was Delia's true feelings. Not something forced on her because of their past.

Another hour passed, with the two women sitting quietly, peacefully, together in the tree, occasionally stealing glances at one another. Delia spoke up "Okay. I think I'm ready to go back now." Patsy nodded and allowed Delia to take up her spot just below her; once again guiding her body to all the right places, helping her descend the tree safely. Once Delia landed on the ground, she turned to help Patsy down the last bit and was momentarily breathless at the sight of Patsy's legs at her eye level, getting the briefest glimpse up Patsy's dress. Once Patsy was on the ground beside her, Delia could hardly look in her direction at all, the dark blush creeping up her cheeks swiftly. Patsy smirked, thinking she had an idea what was causing Delia's embarrassment. She was pleased to have this effect on Delia.

Tucking Delia's arm into her own, she said cheerily, "Well then, let's head home. Shall we?" Sheepishly, Delia smiled back "Yes, let's."


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks for all your lovely comments. I'm so glad you seem to be enjoying my story. Last update before the season finale. I'm taking a slow-burn approach on this fic. Hope I'm not dragging it out too much. Next time is the whisky drinking scene!**

Patsy and Delia returned to the Busby house much happier than they'd left it. There was much still unspoken between them, but they felt alright with each other again. Of course Delia was struggling to work through her new feelings and what they meant but she felt sure that she could still count on Patsy's support through this.

Delia had so many questions about her past now. Did Patsy know that she liked women? Had she fancied Patsy before the accident? Had she ever had a girlfriend? Delia wondered how she ever came to know such explicit things, such as what she'd dreamt about. Had she read about it? Heard about it? Or…actually done it? Still, she didn't know how to get the answers. She wanted desperately to just talk to Patsy about everything but her fears held her back. Being in love with Patsy meant that she needed to watch her every word and action around the other woman. She couldn't risk scaring her away. She needed her too much.

Patsy could tell that Delia was working through a lot of emotions and thoughts. She had on that look she used to get when she was deep in thought. It always used to worry her before, but it made perfect sense in this situation. Patsy wasn't exactly worried now. Just unsure of the best way forward. How could she help Delia along on this path without pushing her? Before, Delia was always the bold one. It was Delia who had pursued Patsy. Delia who was always so sure of herself and quick with her affection.

That was before though. Now, Patsy was the only one who remembered their relationship, their intimacy. The only one who was missing it terribly. This is what made her so cautious now. She was very aware of how much she missed Delia, wanted her, needed her. She musn't allow her own desires to cloud what was best for Delia. Her love was still fragile. She needed to piece her life back together again from scratch.

Patsy remembered how they used to fumble around when they were first figuring out their sexuality. Delia would go out of her way to bring Patsy little gifts. It was clearly out of the ordinary for two girls who were just friends but they couldn't help themselves. Patsy found herself slipping little notes under Delia's door and waiting anxiously for the reply to be slipped back under her own door. They would find excuses to touch each other. Created scenarios where they could be near each other. That time was precious and their hearts were both bold and delicate. She had seen Delia go through this before so she had a bit of an idea how she must be feeling now. Still, it felt wrong, being the holder of all the cards. Having all the answers but not sharing them.

Patsy could feel the effect she had on Delia. Whether it was because Delia was truly interested in her or just interested in girls, period, she didn't know. It made her uneasy. But, she was so pleased to see Delia blush at the sight of her exposed thighs earlier. Though it did highlight the difference between their past and present. Before, Delia would have given her bottom a squeeze and pushed her up against that tree; not just blushed like today.

All of this contemplation between the two of them occurred while they were getting ready for bed. Mr. and Mrs. Busby apparently always went to bed early. So, the girls had the place pretty much to themselves after 7 o'clock. Just as long as they didn't make too much noise. Patsy was in the kitchen heating up the kettle for some tea while Delia was in the bathroom upstairs getting changed into pyjamas and doing whatever else she did to clean up before bed. Just as Patsy was pouring the tea, Delia came down the stairs. She was wearing a nightdress Patsy had never seen before. It barely hit mid-thigh and as she walked down the stairs, it inched even higher up her leg. Patsy had stopped concentrating on her task completely. It wasn't until she heard splashing on the floor that she was pulled back to reality in time to see herself overfilling the tea cups and spilling hot tea everywhere.

"Oh dear. I'm sorry! I don't know where my mind was." Patsy met Delia's eyes and saw concern. "Oh, cariad. Never you mind. Here, let me help you. Have you burned yourself?" Delia inspected Patsy's hands and eyed her clothing for any wet spots. "No, I think it only got the countertop and floor." Delia wagged her finger at Patsy, "You, my dear, are a hazard! Sit down and let me clean this up. I'm not sure I trust you near the stove at this point," she teased. Patsy could only nod sheepishly, "Yes, I'm an awful menace, I know. Still, you must let me clean it up. It's my fault." Delia pressed a finger to Patsy's lips, "Shh, I won't even hear of it," she said, leading Patsy by the shoulders to sit down at the kitchen table.

Patsy shivered at the contact but tried to conceal it. As Delia was bent over cleaning up the spill Patsy couldn't tell whether or not she was intentionally trying to seduce her or not. Delia's bottom was barely covered by her nightdress and the fabric was pulled taut, giving Patsy quite the eyeful. She allowed herself to enjoy it. She didn't know when, if ever, she'd get more than this from the woman she loved.

Delia meanwhile was absolutely flirting with Patsy on purpose. She felt ashamed of herself, but likewise couldn't stop herself. She wanted Patsy to want her. That dream had awakened a part of her body long dormant. Being around Patsy aroused her and she didn't know what else to do with her feelings. She was like a turned on teenager discovering desire for the first time. Still, she would be careful, cautious. Yes, it felt titillating and exciting to flirt but Delia still thought it was one-sided. For that reason, she wouldn't push it too far. She couldn't lose her best friend.

Just as Patsy was second guessing her own choice of baggy blue-striped nightwear, Delia spoke. "So, I rather think tea is a lost cause tonight. How about we go to the bedroom and finally try that whisky?" Patsy was pleased by both the suggestion and the devilish look in Delia's eyes when she said it. "I think that's a fine idea." So, Delia grabbed some glasses and headed up the stairs after Patsy. This time, it was her chance to ogle Patsy's backside.


	11. Chapter 11

**Alright, I've finally returned. This one was a bit harder to write but I've managed to write a mammoth two-part chapter. Mature Content Warning: If you don't want to read the more sexual parts, don't read past the line of x's. While there is no sex, per se, it gets pretty shamelessly smutty. ;)**

Patsy sat on the bed holding the glasses while Delia dug through her drawer to pull out the whisky bottle she'd hidden. She felt silly, as a grown woman, hiding things from her mother but didn't want to upset her parents who rarely imbibed and would surely consider her too delicate to be drinking. "Got it!" she said, holding up the bottle triumphantly. Patsy grinned, "Ah, hello my old friend." Delia gave Patsy a sideways look and held the bottle behind her back. "Now, now Pats. Should I be worried about you being so familiar with whisky?" Patsy's face took on a solemn look as she crossed her heart with her finger, "No, of course not. I would never overindulge. Well...maybe occasionally. But only ever when you were drinking with me too. So I could really be asking you the same question."

Delia looked sad for a moment. "I wish I remembered." Patsy realized that maybe she shouldn't have said that with Delia not having the memories she referenced. "I'm sorry, Deels. I was only teasing. I shouldn't have brought it up." Delia shook her head, "No Patsy, it's okay. I do wish I remembered but I still want you to tell me things. It might make me a little sad for a moment but I'd rather know. Don't censor things for me." Of course, Patsy felt guiltier than ever; knowing just how much she was keeping from Delia.

Delia walked over to Patsy, having already expertly opened the bottle, and poured the whisky into the glasses. "Oh my, Delia! That's quite a lot of whisky, don't you think? We'll be absolutely smashed if we drink all this." Delia's cheeks burned red, "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize." She stammered, "I guess I don't know how much people should drink of this kind of stuff." Patsy smiled kindly at her. "Well of course you wouldn't know. I should have told you. It's my fault really. It's easily remedied though." Patsy grabbed the bottle from Delia and managed to pour one of the glasses back into the bottle. "Now, that's fixed. We'll just share this other glass and I'd say we'll each get the right amount of tipsy."

Delia looked excitedly at Patsy, "Can I have the first drink?" Patsy nodded. "Oh, go on. It was your present, you should have the first taste." Delia confidently took the glass and managed to somehow drink her half in one gulp. Patsy looked on horrified. It happened so quickly, she didn't have time to stop it. As expected, Delia began coughing and sputtering, trying to catch her breath. Patsy rushed to sit up, and began rubbing Delia's back "Oh you poor thing. I…should have told you…Whisky is more of a sipping drink." Delia would have laughed at herself if only she could breath, "Now….you….tell….me…." she coughed out between hoarse gasps of air. Patsy bit her bottom lip to stop herself from giggling.

Eventually, Delia catches her breath. "God, that burns. Why do people like that stuff?" Patsy grins, "I rather think it's for the feelings that come after the burn." Delia considers this, "Huh. Well I don't feel anything at all." Patsy covers her mouth with her hand but can't stop a laugh from escaping. "You need to give it a minute, Deels." Delia's face gets that adorable blush again and Patsy nearly sighs, wishing she could reach out to stroke her cheek reassuringly. Instead, she grabs the glass from Delia, and knocks back the rest of it; evening the score. "There. Now I've caught up to you." Delia looks amazed, "How did you do that? You didn't cough or anything!" Patsy smiles, "I've had practice, darling. Also, it helps if you don't breathe for a few seconds after swallowing." Delia shakes her head, "You're always telling me things after the fact." Patsy wags her finger at Delia, "Now, now, how was I to know you'd gulp it down like that?"

Delia giggles at Patsy and immediately Patsy notices it's Delia's drinking giggle. "Starting to feel something now?" Patsy asks. "Yes. It's nice. I feel warm and relaxed and…good." Patsy nods, "And now you know why people drink." Delia agrees, "Yes, I can see why. Although, the room moves when I turn my head." Patsy stands up, sets the glass down, and grabs Delia by the shoulders "Alright you, lie on the bed then. I don't want you stumbling about." Delia does as she's told and Patsy lies down on the opposite side of the bed so that they can see each other. From this position, she has quite the view of Delia's legs which are fully on display considering the lack of care with which Delia flopped herself onto the bed, allowing her nightdress to creep dangerously high on her thighs. Delia is truly oblivious to this fact though, succumbing to the warm tingly feelings of the alcohol. Patsy is glad that Delia isn't paying attention, she was sure she'd be caught staring at her body otherwise. At this point, Patsy is now also starting to feel the effects of the alcohol and is cursing the fact that alcohol has always made her touchy-feely with Delia.

"What are you looking at?" Delia asks through half-closed eyes, finally fixing her eyes on Patsy. "Hmm?" Patsy stalls, trying to think fast but feels far too sluggish to come up with anything and decides to just say the truth. "Oh…sorry. I was looking at you. It's still hard to believe you're right in front of me." Delia smiles, "Well, it's true. I'm here. You're here. We're both here." she giggles. Patsy finds her utterly adorable and it's hard to resist reaching out to hold her hand…or stroke her thigh. "I think the effects of the alcohol might be a bit exaggerated for you Deels, considering you hardly ate a thing for dinner."

"Is that so? Well I don't feel hungry at all. Say, Pats, do you think we might have a bit more of that whisky?" Patsy glances at her sideways and chews the inside of her lip, considering the request. "So soon? Why?" Delia doesn't answer her question, she just looks at Patsy with a goofy grin. "I don't think so Delia. You look like you've had plenty for now. I'd rather not be peeling you off the bathroom floor tonight." Patsy laughs at herself but barely gets any response at all from the woman across from her, who is now staring off at something Patsy can't discern from the angle she is sitting at.

Delia barely registered what Patsy had said, already distracted by a new thought. "Did you know you have lovely feet?" Patsy isn't sure how to answer that and it doesn't matter because Delia continues on, "I mean, you must walk and cycle all day long. Yet your feet look baby soft." Delia feels emboldened and uninhibited by the whisky. She sits up and takes Patsy's feet in her lap, where they rest on her bare thighs. Patsy can't breathe for a moment, it feels so nice to be touched, and also, she's caught a glimpse of Delia's knickers.

"What are you doing, Deels?" Delia looks at her with an unreadable expression but then smiles innocently, "I'm giving you a foot massage." She tenderly rubs her thumbs into the arch of Patsy's foot, nearly causing a sigh to escape the redhead's lips. "Oh. Alright." Patsy says, unsure of what to say in this situation and not wanting to discourage Delia either. "Is this okay?" Patsy nods. "You poor dear," Delia says, "You work so hard. You need someone to take care of you too sometimes." Patsy is truly unable to form words. After a few minutes, Delia has managed to push up Patsy's pyjama bottoms, exposing her legs from the knees down. "Gosh, Pats. Your muscles are so tight." She says, kneading her calves. "Has anyone ever told you that you have the most gorgeous, milky white skin? It's so flawless, cariad." Delia is looking into her eyes and Patsy can only shake her head. "No? Well that's a shame."

Delia is unable to stop her flirting. She also can't think of why she should care to at the moment. She feels free and Patsy feels good under her hands. _"She hasn't told me to stop. If she's uncomfortable she could say so."_ Delia reasons with herself. She scoots forward, to gain more leverage in her assault on Patsy's tight muscles, and Patsy's foot ends up pressed against her. Neither girl moves an inch but Delia's eyes flutter closed for a moment at the sensation. Patsy can't believe what is happening but knows that Delia is fully aware of the situation since her hands stopped massaging her legs at the very instant her foot made it's accidental intimate contact. Patsy has a brief flash of weakness. She wants to spill everything to Delia right then and there and give Delia's body the attention she so clearly desires.

She doesn't though. Instead, she moves her foot away and sits with her legs underneath her. "Your turn, Delia. Turn around, and I'll rub your shoulders." Delia looks up at Patsy, a little disoriented but agrees with a nod. As Patsy rubs out the tension in her shoulders, Delia sobers up a bit. _"Don't be an idiot, Busby. You're going to scare her off."_ She leans into Patsy's touch, it feels safe and comforting. This woman excites her but also soothes her and she can't believe how bold and careless she had been. Delia realizes that if Patsy hadn't spoken up, she doesn't know what she would have done. She feels ashamed to think she might have pushed herself against Patsy for more contact. It did feel so good. No. Surely, she would have backed off. But…she's not so sure.

"Deels?" Patsy says, interrupting her mental chastisement, "I think I'm getting sleepy. How about you?" Delia thinks about it and realizes she actually feels incredibly tired. She can't believe that she could feel so exhausted after feeling as alive and excited as she just felt, but it's true. "Yes, I'm so sleepy I could nod off right now. Your massage and the whisky seem to be a sedative." Patsy grins, "Yes, massage and whisky. A bit of a one-two punch for falling asleep." Patsy is relieved that nothing seems to be awkward between them after what just happened. She congratulates herself on her smooth navigation of the situation just before she loses her mind and leans in to kiss Delia on the cheek. Delia smiles almost shyly back at her. "Well, goodnight then, Deels." She says, trying to pretend that a goodnight kiss is just a normal thing she does.

Delia lies down and smiles into her pillow. She feels Patsy settle in behind her. "Night, Pats."

XXXXXXXXXXX

Two hours have passed. Delia has been out like a light since mere moments after her head hit the pillow. Just like every time they've ever shared a bed, she's managed to press her body tightly against Patsy. Patsy however, has been awake the whole time. She only just realizes why Delia chose such a thin, short nightdress for pyjamas. It gets hot in this upstairs room at night. Really hot. Patsy is sweating uncomfortably but she wouldn't dare move an inch away from the beautiful furnace pressed against her body. Delia's bottom has always nestled perfectly into Patsy's lap and tonight is no different. She feels that familiar ache between her legs and knows how hard it will be to sleep if she doesn't attend to it.

Ever since the accident, Patsy's body had shut down sexually. She didn't have feelings like that, couldn't have feelings like that. Not with all the grief she felt. It would have felt wrong to pleasure herself when Delia was hurt and so far away. Besides that, she didn't want to feel good then. She wanted Delia. Before, she rarely ever took care of herself that way anyway. She liked to let her desires build up for her lover. Delia liked to hear about how worked up Patsy would get thinking of her and would reward her for her restraint. Though, she also liked to hear about the times when Patsy couldn't help herself. She'd ask for the details and try to recreate Patsy's movements. _"Is that what you did? Did it feel like this?"_ Patsy took a deep breath. She shouldn't allow herself to think of that. It was different now. Delia still wasn't hers. _"Yet…"_ she thought, allowing herself to imagine how she might seduce her lover back.

Frustrated, she felt herself unbutton the buttons on her nightshirt. She needed air, it was too hot. Reluctantly, she eased her body away from Delia and laid on her back. With her shirt open, she prayed for a breeze. Nothing. She wasn't too worried about getting caught with her shirt undone. She could simply roll the other way and button it back up if needed. Also, Delia was sleeping heavily. She felt sweat trickle from her belly, down her sides, onto the bed. Absentmindedly, she traced the trail of sweat and shivered. She turned her head to the side and watched Delia, sleeping. Delia's pert bottom was on full display now; her nightdress up to her waist, blankets thrown to the foot of the bed an hour ago.

It felt wrong, but looking at Delia's body, she couldn't help touching herself. Patsy's fingers trailed their way from her toned, sweaty belly, down to between her legs. At first, she just barely touched herself over her pyjama bottoms; letting her fingers graze over her sensitive spots before stopping herself and moving back to her belly. She sighed in frustration. She wanted more. She wanted Delia.

She rolled back over to face Delia. She wanted to press her topless chest against her but she didn't. Instead, she leaned in and smelled her hair. The perfume she'd bought Delia still lingered on her skin and brought back so many memories. Patsy closed her eyes and imagined Delia was facing her, stroking her sides, teasing her body with gentle fingertips, whispering softly in her ear. She was so lost in her fantasy, it took minutes for her to realize that Delia was in fact whispering to her. She recognized instantly then that Delia was having another dream. Before the accident, it only ever happened when they were sharing a bed. Delia always said her subconscious knew better than to risk someone else overhearing her have a dream like that. She reckoned that being in bed with Patsy relaxed her body and mind enough to let loose. Patsy was overjoyed that she still had this effect on her love. Twice now.

Patsy felt a naughty grin overtake her face. _"I guess I'm not the only frustrated girl in this bed…"_ She watched as Delia's hips moved, searching the air for some sort of contact. She almost groaned, wishing she could help her out. Patsy reached down between her own legs, pushing her hand under the fabric blocking her way. She was already so excited. She intensely watched Delia's body move and felt like an animal stalking its prey. She imagined every movement of Delia's body was pressing into her and she moved her fingers to match her lover's hips moving. "Oh, Pats." Patsy felt wild, hearing her name on Delia's lips. _"It's me. She's really thinking of me."_

Again, Patsy is tempted to quit the act right then. She wants to wake Delia up, kiss her, tell her everything. She won't though. She won't risk hurting Delia by telling her things she might not be ready to hear. Instead, Patsy will take this moment and keep it for herself. She watches as Delia flops quickly onto her back, one arm flung over her head, the other hand gripping the sheets underneath them. She watches her breathing quicken, her breath catch on her lips with a gasp. "Cariad, cariad…yes." Patsy's hand moves furiously between her legs. Searching for release and feeling as if Delia has given her a sacred gift in this moment.

Her eyes ravish Delia's body. She takes in every thrust of the hip, every arch of the back, every whispered plea, and imagines herself as both the recipient and giver of this pleasure. It is with an almost choked "Oh" that Delia begins to give into her body's demand for release. Patsy is right there with her, touching herself as if it were Delia's fingers and not her own. Teasing, like Delia would, denying herself a climax until Delia does. Delia's body shakes, and Patsy finally gives in, allowing herself to climax alongside Delia. Their breathing is nearly identical, as they both settle into the feelings spreading throughout their bodies.

Patsy removes her hand from inside her clothing and breathes deeply, almost laughing at what just happened. _"Well that was…unexpected"_ she thinks. Delia rolls over and pulls her close again; a contented sigh escaping her lips. Patsy smiles and looks at Delia who is once again slumbering deeply and making her cute sleepy noises. Her hand is resting on Patsy's hip and Patsy struggles to quietly button her shirt back up. She leaves the bottom button undone so Delia's hand isn't disturbed. Finally, she feels tired. Finally, she falls asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thanks for all your lovely comments! I know all the tension is killing you all, but I can't help it! I'll probably drag this out as long as I can. We'll see. I do try to reward your patience with scenes like in the last chapter. I try to update every week or two but sometimes it's more or less often. Here's another for you.**

The next morning, Patsy wakes up to an empty bed. The sun is shining through the windows and illuminates the vase of flowers on the windowsill. She lies back and appreciates their beauty for a moment. She's waited such a long time to look at a bunch of flowers in a vase like this. _"Flowers picked by Delia. For me."_ She grins and thinks back to last night. She can't believe what happened. No she didn't have Delia back, not yet, but last night was as close to the real thing as she could imagine. She was content this morning. Content and satisfied.

Her curiosity soon got the better of her though and she needed to find out where Delia had gone off to. She isn't in the bathroom, so Patsy decides to attend to her bodily needs before continuing her search. Soon, she is making her way downstairs. As she gets nearer to the bottom, she hears Delia's magical laugh. " _Found her."_ Delia is sat at the kitchen table talking to her Mam, who appears to be making something for breakfast that smells terribly good. Patsy's stomach growls loudly as she enters the room. Delia catches her eye and grins, "Well, someone is hungry." Patsy can't deny it, "Yes, famished!"

Mrs. Busby turns from the stove and points to a spot at the table with her wooden spoon, "Go on and sit down, Patsy. It won't be but a minute." Patsy takes her spot at the table and notices that Delia has added a pair of shorts to her pyjamas this morning. _"Where were those last night?"_ she wonders with a grin. Delia pours Patsy a cup of coffee from the pot on the table and adds two sugar cubes and some milk. She stirs the drink and pushes the cup toward Patsy with a smile. "Drink up sleepyhead." She doesn't question how she knows the way she takes her coffee. It's just like Delia to make it without asking though.

"Have I really overslept that much? What's the time?" she asks, sipping at the coffee. Delia pretends to think about the question, "Well...it's about 8 o'clock, and since I've been up since 7, I'd say you've overslept by an hour." She says, giving Patsy a gentle poke in the ribs. Mrs. Busby snorts and gives Delia a playful half-frown before addressing Patsy, "Dear, don't let her poke fun. She can be a horrible tease when she wants to." _"Don't I know it."_ thinks Patsy. Delia pretends to be offended but doesn't quite pull it off.

Mrs. Busby putters around the kitchen and then places two generous plates of food in front of the girls. Patsy finds out that Mr. Busby left for work earlier that morning and Mrs. Busby ate with him so it's just Patsy and Delia eating. Patsy tries to tell Mrs. Busby that she shouldn't have gone to such trouble but Mrs. Busby won't hear of it. "I'm a mam, dear. Feeding you girls is my job. And, I'm pretty good at it, if I do say so myself." Patsy laughs and both girls applaud her cooking skills as they tuck in.

"Can you believe the heat last night?" Mrs. Busby asks them. "I don't know how you two fared in that room upstairs. It gets dreadfully hot up there." Delia just shakes her head, "I didn't even notice. I must have slept like a log last night." Patsy stays quiet and Delia looks concerned. "Oh no, Pats. Did I keep you up last night? Do I snore or kick or something?" _"Or something..."_ Patsy thinks. "Not at all. It must have been the heat that kept me up." Delia smacks Patsy's arm lightly, "Why didn't you say something? I would've opened the window." Patsy glares at Delia playfully, "The window opens? You're always telling me things after the fact." She says, repeating Delia's own words from last night.

Delia giggles and Mrs. Busby just shakes her head at the two silly girls. "So, what are you two getting up to today?" Patsy has a mouthful of food, and looks at Delia with a shrug of her shoulders. "We're going on a hike, Mam." Patsy quickly swallows her food. "We are?" she says, raising her eyebrows in question. "Yes, we are." Delia says, staring right into Patsy's eyes as if she's daring Patsy to challenge her. Patsy knows better. "Well. Alright then." Mrs. Busby frets over the idea of Delia overtaxing herself but Delia won't hear of it. "Mam, I'll have a nurse as my escort. I'm in good hands." she says, giving Patsy the sneakiest of winks. Patsy is suddenly very interested in the floor, as she tries to hide her blush. Mrs. Busby concedes defeat but insists on packing them a picnic lunch before they set off.

The girls head back upstairs to get cleaned up and dressed for their outing. "You did pack something appropriate for hiking, didn't you? I really should have made sure." Delia says, looking a little guilty. "Oh, you know me, always prepared. I've got something that should work." Delia smiles, "You keep forgetting that I really don't know you as well as you know me yet." Patsy feels a bit devastated after Delia says this. "Deels, you do know me. What you see is what you get. You'll get to know the little details as we go along but this is me." Delia feels sad. "Yes, I know. But I want to know all the little details now. It kills me that I don't. I want us both to know everything about each other. I really need to talk to you...about a lot of things really...I thought...maybe we could take this hike...get away from everyone...and talk. Really talk, Pats."

Patsy looks into Delia's eyes and they are like watery pools of blue emotion. She will give this woman whatever she wants. Forever. "Of course we can do that, Delia. We can talk about anything, everything. I want to know everything about you too. I know that I can't expect you to be the exact same person you were before and that's okay. I will take you in whatever form you come, happily. Just as long as you're still here." Delia wipes away a tear, "Well, here I am. I'm not going anywhere." Patsy smiles and wraps her in a hug, "Thank God for that."

When they finally reappear downstairs, they both look a bit more somber than when they had gone up. Mrs. Busby looks at the pair of them questioningly, "Why the serious faces? Did you finally realize this hike was a bad idea?" Delia just laughs, "It may well be, but we're going anyway." Patsy puts on a cheery face, "Well, I think it will be wonderful. A spot of fresh air and nature would do me well."

Mrs. Busby makes a face like she's still not convinced but just holds out the picnic basket for Patsy to take instead of voicing her disapproval again. "Now, you'd both better be back in time for dinner or I'll go sick with worry. Patsy, you keep her out of the trees and don't let her hurt herself. I'm counting on you to keep her safe." Patsy thinks back to their earlier tree climbing and feels sure it will be Delia keeping her safe in the woods and not the other way around. She keeps that to herself. "Of course, Mrs. Busby. I promise," she says seriously. Delia looks annoyed at this over-protective exchange between the two women but says nothing. She knows how her mother worries.

As they head out, Patsy realizes that she is completely at Delia's mercy. She feels certain that a ten minute walk in any direction would leave her quite lost. "So, you do know where we're going, don't you? It's just that, I've promised your mother I'll keep you safe but in actuality, I'm going to need your help with that." Delia laughs out loud at Patsy. "Oh I know you will. Don't worry. I won't tell Mam if you don't. I could sense from our tree climbing that you aren't quite the rugged type." Patsy purses her lips, "Oh, I can be rugged Delia. Believe you me. If I only had a map and compass, you'd be quite dazzled by my skills." Delia's smile takes over her face. "Is that so, Pats? Well, I stand corrected then. But as you can see, there is no map, so I will take the lead today. Come along now, try to keep up."

Delia takes this opportunity to sprint ahead. Patsy rolls her eyes at what is pretty classic Delia behavior but accepts the challenge. After no more than a half minute of trying though, the unfairness of being the one holding the picnic basket makes her stop. "Delia!" she pouts. Delia looks behind her and laughs, "Oh fine. Quit your pouting. I was only messing around anyway." Patsy tries to catch her breath, "Delia, can that be the end of running for the day? I prefer more of a casual pace when I'm hiking." Still not recovered from her short run she muses, "Gosh, I'm out of breath. I really should give up the cigarettes altogether."

Delia looks shocked. "Patsy! No! You smoke? Oh, it's such a filthy habit." Patsy looks sheepish, "Yes, I know. You've been on me to quit for ages. It's like kissing a smokestack, you'd say."

Delia's face goes blank. "What did you say?" Patsy's heart sinks. She can't believe what she's let slip. "Erm..."


	13. Chapter 13

**So sorry it's taken me so long to update. Your replies and messages finally pushed me to get on with this chapter. It was a hard one to write. I'm of two minds when it comes to how I should continue this fic so it's been a struggle figuring it all out. I hope you all like this chapter. It's longer than most! This clearly deviates completely from canon at this point, so don't be surprised if characters and situations don't match up perfectly with the show.**

Still not recovered from her short run she muses, "Gosh, I'm out of breath. I really should give up the cigarettes altogether."

Delia looks shocked. "Patsy! No! You smoke? Oh, it's such a filthy habit." Patsy looks sheepish, "Yes, I know. You've been on me to quit for ages. It's like kissing a smokestack, you'd say."

Delia's face goes blank. "What did you say?" Patsy's heart sinks. She can't believe what she's let slip. "Erm..."

Delia's heart is racing at the idea of what Patsy's words implied. _"Could it really be?"_ she dares to think. Patsy is meanwhile in a tug-of-war with her thoughts. How will she get herself out of this one? Does she even want to? _"Yes. I can't just tell her now. Not like this."_ Patsy takes a deep breath, and smiles at Delia as if she is unconcerned. "I said it's like kissing a smokestack. That's just a thing people say about smokers. You always warned me that nobody would want to kiss me if I kept it up."

Delia's chest deflates. She hadn't realized she was holding her breath. _"Oh…"_ She smiles at Patsy but it doesn't reach her eyes. "Oh. Well…I guess that's probably true. I don't remember hearing that phrase before." Patsy nods her head, "Well, I suppose you wouldn't have."

"No, I suppose not." Delia straightens her shoulders and grabs the picnic basket from Patsy. "My turn to carry." Patsy can't help feeling relieved, both to have gotten away with her weak explanation and to have been unburdened by the heavy basket. "What on Earth has your mother packed in that thing? It's very heavy." Delia laughs, "Knowing Mam, I'd say we could probably get lost for a week and not miss a meal. Let's keep on, shall we? We'll need to work up our appetites if we want to make this basket less heavy at some point." Patsy turns toward the direction Delia was headed earlier. "This way then?" Delia nods, "Yes. If we keep a good pace, we should make it to a really beautiful spot for lunch time."

They walk together well. They both notice it. There is an ease with which they exist together in space. They wordlessly pass the basket between each other when the weight of it becomes too much. They take one another's hands to navigate muddy areas and slippery rocks. They stop to rest, passing the water between themselves, drawing deep breaths into their lungs, and admiring the beauty of their surroundings. Around noontime, Delia speaks up. "I think we're nearly there. Are you getting ready for lunch?"

"Yes, please. Where exactly is this spot we're headed to? What is so special about it?" Delia grins. "You'll know it when you see it." Patsy rubs her chin and looks to the sky. "Well, I can hear the sounds of water growing louder. Am I on the right track?" Delia gives her a pointed look, "You'll have to wait and see, Pats."

Ten minutes later they reach the crest of a small hill and Patsy gasps. "Oh, Delia. It's so beautiful." Delia grins, "Told you so!" They have made their way to a secluded section of beach along the gorgeous Pembrokeshire coastline.

"How did you know this was here?" Delia shrugs. "Dad and I went on a walk and wound up here. I guess this was my favorite place as a child too. I'd play in the water and collect flowers on the way back for Mam. Dad was so pleased that I found it on my own. He thought it was a sign of my memories returning. I don't know how I did it though. I can't remember." Patsy looks at Delia seriously. "Sometimes, we just end up where we're meant to be. There doesn't always need to be a reason or an explanation."

"Pats…" Delia is unsure of herself. "Remember how I said I wanted to really talk to you? Well…I'm worried that I might upset you. Do you promise you won't get angry with me or run away?" Patsy's stomach twists. She has no idea what exactly Delia is planning on saying but knows she must reassure her. "Deels, I would never run away from you. I promise you. Whatever you need to say, you can say it to me."

Delia still looks nervous. "Okay. Well, maybe we could sit down and start eating first." Patsy squeezes her shoulder. "That's fine. Take your time." Patsy is so proud of Delia. She's being so brave, just like she always has been. Whatever she wants to talk about has clearly been weighing on her mind and she's planning on diving right into it. Saying what she needs to say. Patsy wishes she could be like that. She hopes Delia will forgive her for not being like that. Once she knows everything. Knows what Patsy has kept from her.

Delia has picked a dry spot of sand where the sun is shining to set up the picnic. Despite the unseasonable heat of last night, it's actually a bit chilly out and Patsy is glad of the chance to soak up a little sun. Patsy watches Delia walk to the water and begin washing her hands. She smiles to herself, knowing Delia was always as strict about hygiene as she was. The gentle waves lap at Delia's ankles, her shoes and socks already discarded some 20 feet away. Patsy watches the wind blow her hair and feels her heart skip a beat. She decides to join her at the water.

"You brought a bar of soap?" she asks in surprise. Delia puts a hand on her hip and gives Patsy her sternest look. "I don't have to remember being a nurse to care about good hygiene, Patsy." Patsy chuckles loudly. "Fair enough, Deels. You've always had your quirks." Delia raises her eyebrows. "Oh, do tell. What are my quirks? Go on then." She smiles devilishly, crossing her arms. Patsy swallows hard. She's in trouble now. "Well...umm...maybe another time." Delia nods. "Uh huh. Thought so." Patsy moves closer to the water but reconsiders. "Isn't that water awfully cold?" Delia laughs, "It's a bit cold but it feels refreshing. Take off your shoes, Pats. You won't regret it."

Patsy carefully removes her shoes and already feels colder. As her toes touch the water, her body tightens up and she brings her hands to her chest, shivering. She slants her head at Delia and frowns. Delia hands her the bar of soap, laughing, "Well hurry up and wash your hands then. I didn't realize how delicate you'd be." Patsy huffs, attempting to respond with a comeback, but realizes that Delia is right and she'd better do as she's told.

Delia walks back to their basket and pulls out some bread and cheese. She hands it to Patsy, who really did rush back from washing her hands, to break up while she pours out some tea from a flask. "We've also got some hand pies, cakes, some pickled veg, umm...I think I see some hard-boiled eggs, not sure what's in that container...oh, here's some fruit." Patsy laughs. "Let's start with this and see how hungry we are then." Delia grins, "Okay, but I'll let you explain to Mam why we've not returned with an empty basket." Patsy laughs, "I think not. Besides, have you considered the fact that if we return with an empty basket she might think she didn't pack enough? The next time we try to leave the house we'll need a wagon for all that she'll pack."

"Okay, fair point. Now, sit down with me. Let's enjoy this place for a bit." Patsy sits and they pass the bread and cheese back and forth, sipping tea, and listening to the sea. "The water looks like it would be nice for a swim, if only it were warmer, don't you think?" Delia bites her bottom lip, thinking. "I'm not sure. I don't even know if I can swim, Pats."

It's ridiculous, but Patsy immediately panics. She has a horrible image of Delia drowning flash in her mind. The cycling accident has left her worried that any little thing could take Delia away from her again. Her whole life, she's never been able to hold on to anyone she loves. Not for long, anyway. It's the reason she's kept everyone at arm's length. She had to protect herself. Delia wouldn't keep away though. She burst through, planting herself in Patsy's life, her thoughts, her heart. Now, Patsy can't be without her and it makes her feel vulnerable. If she really lost Delia, she isn't sure she could go on. Isn't sure she'd want to.

Delia is confused by Patsy. A dark look had taken over her face and she'd set her jaw. She looked angry. Furious even. That couldn't be right though. Delia knew that she hadn't said or done anything wrong. In a second though, Patsy is looking at her intensely and asking her, "Delia? Can we come back here tomorrow?" Delia hadn't really planned on coming back so soon but she won't deny Patsy anything. "Of course, but why?" Patsy looks at the waves and again Delia sees her tense. She turns to Delia but her eyes look a million miles away. "I'm teaching you to swim. Or finding out that you already can. Either way, you'll be a swimmer by the time we leave tomorrow."

Delia almost makes a joke. Almost tries to lighten the mood. But, she can tell that Patsy needs her to be serious about this. "But, cariad...we'll freeze. It's far too cold." Patsy isn't listening. "We'll come back and you'll learn to swim and everything will be fine. You'll see." Delia is unsure of what is happening. She can't fathom why Patsy is behaving this way. "No, Pats. Stop. Look at me." Patsy's eyes are fixed on the water, her arms wrapped around her knees. Patsy won't look at her but Delia can see tears falling onto her legs. She puts her hand on Patsy's leg, covering up the spot where her tears fell.

"Okay, cariad. We can do that. We'll come back tomorrow." She doesn't understand the reasons behind Patsy's behavior but she can still read her emotionally and still respond to Patsy's needs. Patsy nods her head. A few minutes pass in silence and then she finally settles back into the moment she's in with Delia, not letting those thoughts bury her under their weight anymore. "Okay. Good. We'll make a day of it. You'll love it, I promise. I'm a very good teacher too. So, if you can't swim, it's really lucky you've got me." Delia smiles, _"Yes, it really is."_ she thinks, _"I just hope we don't die of hypothermia."_

Delia looks at Patsy and clears her throat. _"It's now or never,"_ she thinks. "Pats...I think I'm ready to talk now." Patsy smiles encouragingly, "Okay. I'm ready to listen." Delia smiles back, thankful for the boost of confidence Patsy always seems to supply. "Alright...umm...I guess you could say...I've been having these thoughts...feelings really...and I've realized some things...things I didn't realize before." Patsy stays quiet but her face softens, her eyes imploring Delia to continue. "And, well...I was wondering if...if maybe you had some answers to these questions I've been having. It's just...you're my best friend...and I don't know who else would know about this. I...I can't imagine I'd have shared this with many people. Maybe not even you...so I'm scared...I'm scared you'll hate me." _"Oh God! She's really asking me about this!"_ Patsy was both excited and terrified. "Oh Deels, I won't hate you. I promise you that."

Delia squeezes her hand in thanks and takes a deep breath. She wants to just blurt it out, _"Did I ever tell you that I was queer?"_ Instead, she takes a different route. She walks around the edge of that question, hoping she will still get the answer she needs. "So, I wanted to know something...did I ever date anyone?" Patsy has to stop her bottom lip from tugging itself into a lopsided frown. _"Oh, why'd she have to ask it like that?! She's not going to make this easy, is she..."_ Patsy centers her lips and smiles, but it doesn't look very genuine. "As a matter of fact, yes. You did." Delia frowns. _"That's all she's going to say?"_

"Okay. Well, what else do you know about it?" Patsy frowns, "How do you mean?" Delia plays with a thread on her shirt, "I mean...well...did you know them?" Patsy wonders how exactly this whole conversation is going to work. "Yes, I did." Delia ponders this. She can't imagine ever dating a man so this means Patsy must have known this woman she dated. This buoys her a bit and she continues. "So, what happened? Why did we stop dating? How much did you know about it all?" Patsy quickly bites off a large piece of bread. She makes a show of chewing it, points at her mouth and holds up a finger, indicating for Delia to hang on. She feels pathetic to be stalling like this but she's not above it, clearly. Delia is frowning now. She can sense that Patsy is uncomfortable.

Patsy notices this, swallows hard, and pushes through, for Delia. "Well...I'd say I knew just about everything, really." Delia nods, encouraging her to continue, "And?" Patsy thinks about it, "And...well, you never stopped dating them. Although, dating isn't really the right word. It was much more than that." Delia's mind is racing. How could there be another woman still in the picture? She loved Patsy. _"Oh no, oh no, oh no."_ Delia is trying to gather her thoughts, "So...I loved them? We were happy together? And you knew about it? You were okay with it?"

Patsy knows that Delia is struggling with so much right now. She wants to ease her mind but isn't sure that just coming out with the full truth will do that. She decides to keep up the vague responses. "Yes I knew and I was okay with it. You loved them. You were happy together. Very much so."

Delia is trying to wrap her mind around the new information. She can't believe it. "So I'm...You knew I was...I mean, I am...a..." Patsy interjects, "Queer?" Delia nods. Patsy smiles at her, "Yes, I knew." Delia's finger traces circles in the sand. "It's bad isn't it?" Patsy sighs. "Being queer?" Delia nods. "Well...the world can be a scary place for queer people right now. It's not something you can be open about, Delia. Most people think it's a sin. Some people might even...try to hurt you...if they knew. But bad? No. I don't think that. I just think the world doesn't understand yet. Maybe someday. For now though, you have to stay safe. You can't tell anyone, Delia. Not anyone."

Delia feels unbelievably sad to know that her suspicions are true. Being queer must be a secret. "But, you knew. Why did I tell you? Why did I risk it?" Patsy pauses, "Well, you knew I was different. You knew I'd understand." Delia thinks about this. "So, why doesn't this woman I'm dating...more than dating...try to contact me? Where is she now? She just abandoned me when I got hurt? How could I love someone like that?" Delia feels angry now. She loves Patsy. Not this other woman. "Why didn't you tell me before about all this?"

Patsy squirms. Should she tell the truth or keep digging herself deeper into this hole of lies?


	14. Chapter 14

**It's been ages, I know, but I've finally returned with an update. Thanks for the reviews and encouragement! It helped me finally decide where to go with this fic. Hope you like this chapter!**

Delia feels unbelievably sad to know that her suspicions are true. Being queer must be a secret. "But, you knew. Why did I tell you? Why did I risk it?" Patsy pauses, "Well, you knew I was different. You knew I'd understand." Delia thinks about this. "So, why doesn't this woman I'm dating...more than dating...try to contact me? Where is she now? She just abandoned me when I got hurt? How could I love someone like that?" Delia feels angry now. She loves Patsy. Not this other woman. "Why didn't you tell me before about all this?"

Patsy squirms. Should she tell the truth or keep digging herself deeper into this hole of lies?

Patsy could see the anger radiating from Delia's features. She knew she'd find a way to mess everything up and it seemed to have come true. Patsy knew from experience that Delia needed time to cool off when she was this angry.

"Delia...I'm so sorry. I know you must feel like..."

Delia pounded the sand with her fist. "Don't tell me how I must feel! If you had any idea what I..." Delia groaned in frustration. "Just...Just don't. You don't know."

Patsy stared at her hands, unable to look at Delia. "You're right. I don't know." She tried to swallow the lump that was forming in her throat. "I'm so sorry. You must hate me."

Delia turned her head to look at Patsy, who was still staring at her own hands, and sighed. Standing suddenly, Delia said quietly this time, "I told you, don't tell me how I must feel." She walked to the water and Patsy let her go. She wasn't going to chase after her or try to explain anything just now. She didn't know how to make this right.

Delia needed the distance from Patsy to process all this new information. How could there be some other woman? How could Patsy be keeping so much from her? What else was she hiding? A part of Delia also felt guilty; for both lashing out at Patsy and for being in love with her when she was clearly only a friend. Such a good friend that she knew Delia was queer and didn't hate her. Such a good friend that she supported Delia loving a woman. _"Where do I go from here?"_ Delia wondered.

Meanwhile, Patsy didn't dare approach Delia. She would wait for her to come back when she was ready. She watched Delia pace along the water, occasionally stopping and kicking at the sand with her foot or putting hands on hips to stare out at the water. Patsy felt frightened. What if Delia pushed her away now that she knew Patsy had withheld information from her?

Delia had always had this... _thing..._ about honesty. Patsy thought back to the beginning of their relationship and the one and only time she'd ever lied to Delia. They'd only been together for a few weeks at that point and already Patsy's insecurities had crept in. She felt herself pushing Delia away, avoiding her, scared of the love she felt. Scared of getting hurt.

One night, after not seeing Patsy for a week, Delia had waited in the hallway outside Patsy's room in the nurse's home for her to return from her shift. When Patsy spotted her, a look of panic took over her face. "Surprised to see me then?" Delia asked casually. Too casually. The usual warmth was missing from her voice when she spoke to Patsy. Patsy hurried to unlock her door and ushered Delia inside. Feigning calm she replied, "A little...it's nice to see you." Delia nodded her head, "hmm" she huffed, looking around Patsy's room absentmindedly before sitting on the bed and patting the spot beside her. "Sit down, Patsy." Patsy's face flushed, "That's alright. I'm fine here." She said, still standing near the door; as if escaping was an option.

Delia's face took on a rigid smile. "I said...sit." Patsy did as she was told this time. Patsy couldn't seem to look at Delia, so Delia took hold of her chin and gently turned her head until their eyes met. Patsy saw something flash in Delia's eyes. Sadness? But it was soon gone, replaced by the chilly mask Delia had in place earlier. "Why have you been avoiding me, Patsy? Tell me the truth." Patsy shook her head, "I don't know what you mean. I haven't been avoiding you. I've been busy. Honestly."

Delia laughed. She looked undone. Patsy was afraid. "Honestly? You've been busy? Honestly? That's what you're going with?" Delia shook her head, disgusted. "Patsy, I love you. I want to be with you. I ache every second I'm away from you. You have avoided me for a week. A week! I've nearly gone mad. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't focus on anything but you. And you've been busy...that's rich." Delia laughed sadly as tears began to slowly roll down her cheeks. "Look, if this is one-sided, tell me now! Let me go! But if you love me too, then don't you dare lie to me. I can handle the truth, whatever it is. But, I respect myself too much to put up with someone who lies to me. I won't do it."

Delia's eyes pleaded with Patsy for the truth. Patsy's mouth was dry and she struggled to form words. "I..." She tried to speak, but couldn't. Delia got up slowly, wiping her eyes, ready to walk away. Patsy grabbed her by the wrist. Standing, she took Delia's face between her hands. She gently kissed at the tracks of tears on Delia's face before ending up at her lips, kissing her fiercely. Breaking away slowly, Patsy searched Delia's eyes. "I...I'm so scared Delia." Patsy broke down then, sitting back on the bed. Delia had never seen her so vulnerable. "Scared of what, cariad?" She asked, grasping Patsy's hands between her own. Patsy tried to stifle her sobs but couldn't contain them. "Of...you" Delia took a step back. "Of me? What...what have I done?"

Patsy looked up through now-swollen eyes. "Nothing...you've done nothing wrong. But you could break me, Delia. I love you. I love you so much that you could destroy me. Everyone I love goes away. Everyone." Delia got on her knees in front of Patsy and wrapped her arms around her tight. "You love me too, cariad?" Patsy nodded. Delia wiped away Patsy's tears with her thumbs. "Sweetheart, if you love me too, then I'm never going away. Not ever. You could destroy me too, you know? You almost did this past week. Don't push me away. I want this. I want you. A life with you. Nothing could ever keep me away from you. I love you too much." Delia laughed then, "But I swear to God...if you ever lie to me again Patience Mount..." Patsy interrupted her with a kiss. "I won't. I promise."

That was how they'd admitted their love to each other. And this...this was how Patsy had broken that promise to Delia.

Lost in her thoughts, Patsy noticed Delia had returned only when she was standing right in front of her. Delia waited for Patsy to look at her before she spoke. "I'm angry." Patsy nodded, not knowing what to say to that. "I'm angry at you. I'm angry at me. I'm angry that I can't remember. I'm angry that...that nothing is easy for me now. That I have to rely on scraps of information to figure out who I am." Patsy looked pained, "Delia...I..."

Delia held up a hand to stop Patsy continuing. "No, let me finish. I understand why you haven't told me everything. What if I didn't like what you told me? What if I didn't believe you? What if it was too much for me to handle? I...I get it. Hell, I only figured out yesterday that I'm...that I'm...queer..." she said, whispering the last part self-consciously. "I can't honestly say how I would have reacted to that revelation if you had told me before I figured it out for myself. Actually, I thought about it and I want to apologize."

Patsy looked surprised "Delia, you don't..." but again Delia interrupted her."I do. I do, cariad. I'm sorry to have put so much pressure on you. It must have been hell trying to figure out how much to tell me. So, while I do feel angry, I also feel sorry. Sorry to have dragged you into my mess."

Patsy had to speak her mind. "Delia, you haven't dragged me into anything. I came on my own, willingly. It has been hard, yes. I have kept things from you. I'm still keeping things from you. But, you have to believe that I want to tell you everything. I just...I worry about causing you harm. I couldn't live with myself if I did anything to hurt you."

Delia sat beside Patsy in the sand. "Nor could I, cariad." Delia grabbed Patsy's hand, rubbing the palm affectionately. "What if we make an agreement? I will trust your judgment to tell me whatever you think I can handle. But, you have to trust my judgment to answer any questions I ask. I wouldn't ask if I couldn't handle the answer. Okay?"

Patsy was terrified. Delia was such a wildcard. She could ask anything. At any time. And, despite her reassurances, Patsy was worried that she might not be able to handle the truth. Still, Patsy knew better than to disagree. "Okay, Delia."

Delia smiled, and pushed herself up to stand. She held out her hands to help Patsy up too and together they gathered their things to head back home. As they began to walk back, Delia turned to look at Patsy. "Pats?" Patsy met Delia's gaze. "Yes?"

"Don't lie to me again." That fierce look was back in Delia's eyes and it made Patsy gulp. "I won't. I promise." And God help her, she meant it.


	15. Chapter 15

**I know it's been ages, but I've heard your pleas and read your lovely reviews and finally worked out this chapter until I felt happy enough with it. It's kind of amazing that people still care about my story. I promise I will finish this fic, I just don't know how long that might take. Here's something to hold you over until next time. I hope you enjoy! Thanks!**

Patsy and Delia made it back home from the beach in record time. Apparently, there was a shortcut that Delia had kept to herself. "What? I wanted to take the more scenic route. Besides, I need the exercise. Apparently I've got a girlfriend I need to look good for." She said with a sarcastic roll of the eye. Patsy managed a weak "heh, heh…right" in response to the last part. "I suppose I shouldn't really complain," said Patsy, "If I'm to truly get the Welsh experience, I must soak up as much of it as I can muster this week!" Delia grinned, "Now, that's the spirit, Pats!"

Both women had kept their banter light on their return journey from the beach. Neither wanted to just yet test out the new "rules" of their relationship. Patsy was so very nervous about agreeing to answer any question from Delia honestly. Meanwhile, Delia was trying to hold back from asking every little thing that came to her mind; wanting to trust that Patsy would disclose what she thought was in Delia's best interests.

In no time at all, they were crossing the threshold into Delia's childhood home. "Girls? Is that you?" Mrs. Busby yelled from the kitchen. "Yes, Mam. We're coming through now." Delia shouted back. As Delia began to walk forward, Patsy flung her arm out and stopped Delia, shaking her head and pointing to their feet. "Shoes off, Delia. We can't be dragging sand, dirt, and who knows what else in." Delia grinned and also soaked in the feel of Patsy's arm across her waist. "Right you are, Pats. Good thing I've got you keeping me in check." She said with a wink. Patsy smiled back, trying to hide just how much she loved it when Delia winked at her.

"Something smells delicious, Mam." Delia said, as she and Patsy entered the kitchen. "Glad you think so, cariad. It's your supper." She said, batting away Delia's hand that was moving to uncover the lid over the pot on the stovetop. "I think not, Delia. Go upstairs and wash those hands. I'll call you when it's ready." Delia laughed, and gave her mam a kiss on the cheek. "Yes, Mam." She said obediently, for once not minding being treated like a child. Delia wandered up the stairs, and Patsy moved to follow her up but Mrs. Busby held her back.

"She didn't climb any trees? Have any spells? Any trouble at all while you were out there?" Mrs. Busby was genuinely anxious, peering into Patsy's eyes for reassurance. "No, not at all. She really did great, actually. No worries, I kept her tree-climbing tendencies in check." Patsy said, trying to infuse some humor into the tense exchange. Mrs. Busby nodded, seemingly satisfied. She placed a hand on Patsy's cheek, in a motherly way, and said "Thank God for you Patsy. She's been so much more herself since you've been here. Thank you for keeping her safe."

Patsy felt like crying. She'd long been without any sort of motherly affection and this somehow felt so warm and familial. Patsy would never admit it, but she'd had daydreams before about meeting Delia's parents. Of them treating her as a daughter. Of them cherishing how well she looked after and loved Delia. Patsy yearned for a family of her own. Delia had been that to her, before the accident. She was trying desperately to hold on to her now. And here stood Mrs. Busby, welcoming Patsy into her home, thanking her for keeping Delia safe, and showing her genuine kindness. It touched every stifled part of her heart's yearning.

In seconds though, the moment was over. Mrs. Busby already playfully shooing Patsy upstairs with a dish towel. "Go on and get cleaned up dear," she said with a smile, before shouting so that even Delia upstairs could hear, "and make sure Delia washes under those nails!" Patsy walked up the stairs in a bit of a daze, bumping into Delia exiting the bathroom. "I heard that Mam!" she shouted down the stairs. "I meant you to, cariad!" Mrs. Busby shouted back. Delia giggled but eyed Patsy curiously. "Everything alright, Pats? You look out of sorts."

Patsy shook her head and reset her features with a smile, clearing the fog from her mind. "Yes, of course, Deels. Your mother was just being very nice to me." Delia looked at her with surprise, "Should she have…not been nice to you? I'm sorry, I don't understand." Patsy tried to come up with a way of explaining herself. "No, no. It was just nice, that's all. I think I rather like your mother." Delia shrugged her shoulders playfully, "She's okay, I suppose." Patsy put on a face of mock outrage, "Delia Busby! That's your mother you're speaking of! I've a mind to wash your mouth out with soap!" Delia grinned, "You wouldn't dare! Now go clean up yourself! And mind the nails!" Delia said, imitating her mother.

Both thoroughly cleaned up and now stuck in the bedroom together waiting for supper, the urge to test these new waters was far too strong for Delia to resist. "So...Pats..." she began, clearly building up to something and setting Patsy's heart rate soaring with anxiety. "About this girlfriend of mine..." Patsy couldn't stop the look of panic that came over her face. "What about her?" Delia laughed, "Why do you look like you're dreading talking about this? I just have some basic questions. Like, what is her name?"

Patsy knew she had to tell the truth. She also knew that she'd not told Delia her full name yet. "It's, um, Patience. Patience is her name." Delia frowned. She wanted to not like this girl so she wouldn't feel so bad about being in love with Patsy. "Oh. Well, that's actually a really beautiful name." She said with disappointment. "Is it going to open a can of worms if we delve into the reason behind her not contacting me?" Patsy hesitated, and Delia could see her trying to figure out how to answer her. Delia held up a hand, "Okay, you don't have to answer that. Just tell me this, does she have a good reason? Should I be understanding?"

Patsy's words came tumbling out, "Yes! There is a good reason! Just, please...be easy on her when everything is finally revealed. She does love you so." Delia had to use every bit of restraint she had to not roll her eyes. "If you say so. So what is she like?"

Patsy found herself chewing at the side of her mouth, trying to figure out how to describe herself. "Well...she...is a little hard to warm up to." Delia couldn't help but tut at that, "Lovely..." Patsy laughed, "She is very loyal though, once you do warm up to her. She's blunt, at times, but is trying to work on that. Although, to her credit, a woman in this world should be able to be blunt when needed." Delia nodded, "I'll give you that. Sometimes, I wish I could just say what I really want, without worrying about how it might offend."

Delia's thoughts roamed. _"I wish I could say this Patience can just sod off, it's you I want."_ Patsy gave a concerned look, "You can be blunt with me, Delia. I hope you know that." Delia smiled, "I do know that, and I thank you for that." _"I just wish that were true about every topic..."_ Delia felt herself blushing at the next question that popped into her head, "Pats, I hope this doesn't make me seem shallow, but...what does she look like? Is she attractive?"

Patsy felt her lips gather together at the side of her mouth, as she turned her head to the side, trying to form the right words. _"Golly, how does one describe oneself without sounding ridiculous?"_ She wondered. "Well, she is...she is...taller than you. And umm...she is, well I guess you'd say...her...ahem...body is proportionate...in a...umm, normal way? Oh! She's your type! Yes, you've always said she was just exactly your type!" _"Well that sounded ridiculous anyway,"_ she groaned internally.

Delia looked perplexed. _"That's an odd way of describing someone, she must be hideous or something. Just my type? My type has changed apparently. Why couldn't she say...tall, red-haired, curvy, gorgeous eyes, radiant smile...all on the most generous, kind, intelligent, funny, and wonderful woman in the world?"_ Still, Delia found herself laughing somehow. "Well, Pats, thank you for that most detailed report. I simply _must_ set out to find her this instant!"

Patsy play-smacked her arm. "Hey! I am trying you know!" Delia tried to hide the love shining from her eyes, "I know you are Pats. I just won't be getting all the good gossip from you. I can see that now." She giggled. Patsy couldn't help but giggle too, "Oh, now, I can bring the gossip when I need to! Just you wait." Delia smiled, "Okay, I will. Listen, I don't want to talk about her anymore right now. I want to talk about you. I still have so much to learn. Tell me everything!"

Patsy smiled back, "Okay. Where do you want me to start?"

"The beginning silly!" So Patsy told her everything, leaving out the details about her sexuality and their own relationship but not holding back any of the gritty details otherwise. It felt cathartic to have back the Delia who really knew all her secrets. Well, mostly. Delia reacted much like she had the first time she'd learned of Patsy's past. She was supportive, gentle, and a little teary-eyed, but never tried to make it about how she felt. Patsy loved that about Delia. "Does it hurt when you talk about it now?" Delia asked. "Because, I don't want to cause you any more pain." Patsy held her hand, "No, Delia. It's always been different with you. When I tell you about my pain, it becomes halved somehow."

Delia looked into Patsy's eyes. "That's how I feel with you too. I can't talk to anyone else about my troubles because they pity me, or they get concerned. It just makes me feel worse. With you, it's like a weight is lifted off me and nothing changes about how you think of me or treat me. I can just be. It's the best feeling." Delia said, squeezing her hand affectionately.

Patsy almost said something then. It felt right. Delia could handle the truth. Patsy knew it. Instead, Patsy felt regret for stating that she liked Mrs. Busby earlier. That woman could really kill a moment.

"Girls, supper is ready! Hurry down while it's hot!"


End file.
